You; You You You You You

I've always maintained that I'm a moderate person, who takes moderate measures, and live with moderate decisions. But I realised now that I'm not. In fact, I'm an extremist. I can change in a matter of a few days. I take risks, I make extreme decisions. For example, at times, I feel that I can do anything, and everything, to the point I tell myself I'm "perfect". Yet, at times (like this), I feel like a total failure. I'm intimidated by people, things, and everything around me; losing grip on how "good" I am.

For someone who thinks he is perfect, coming to terms with reality that he is not, is not always easy. But I admit that, yes, I'm no God. I'm nothing but cells and water.

It has always been my stand that blogging is no place for any relationships stuff. It makes the blog all jiwang and mushy and yeah, you get my drift. But because of the extremist nature in me, I'm hopping over to the opposition party; just like the corrupted politics in my beloved country. Yet, I cannot be despised for not having any ideals, and betraying my voter's trust and confidence in me because I'm no politician. Change is certain, and change is good; especially when you see things from a different perspective and with different reason.

Today, this post is about my relationship with you. I'm sorry that it has to end this way, but even right now, I've no regrets on the decision I've made. I'm sorry, because I'm temperamental. I'm sorry because I thought I can commit to a relationship only to find myself unable to give the commitment a relationship requires. It's never my intention to hurt you over and over again, or come and go as I please. I'm sorry that I'm an extremist. I'm sorry for saying I love you when I'm not capable of loving. I'm sorry it's back to square one.

You've never said you're unhappy with me. At least not to my face. But deep down inside, I know better. Even in your writings, it's clear. I'm a selfish, self-centered, bad-tempered jerk. Yes, I am everything that you say I am. You've given much in this relationship, I have not. It's not going to work that way, I know. You said that breakup is not a solution to you, but to me, it's the only and the best way we both can take. I'm not taking the easy way out, but because of who I am, I have to make certain decisions.

Someone told me that maybe I have to learn the lesson of commitment before I can be in any relationships. That God wants me to solve this issue I struggle with. I know to you, all this is a load of crap, because you have heard it from me before. The response you gave me was, how come I never thought of or deal with this issue before starting a relationship? I'm human, I'm flawed. I make mistakes. I took the risk, and put your feelings at stake. Again, I'm sorry. For who am I, to gamble on people and their feelings, just because of my own feelings? I'm selfish.

Not everything that happens, happens with a specific divine purpose. I have my self-determining freedom. I am the ultimate cause and explanation for my behaviour and decisions. Nevertheless, it will be good, in the long run. God is working to bring good out of everything. And when the war is over, and God is victorious, everything will be good.

But for now, we're all in this war together.

Shadow Of The Day

Blogging comes upon me in waves. There was a period I was a blogging enthusiast. There was a period (and still having occasional periods) of blog-suicide contemplations. My soul, my spirit, speaks naught of the state in which I currently reside.

Nevertheless, after spitting out fireballs of posts without much meaning, my system is cleansed. Even so, the cleansing is temporal, for as much as sense lives in me, nonsense lives in me like a conficker worm in an external hard disk: it cannot be removed. (now for those more technical, of course the worm can be removed by formatting the external but putting it in equal terms would mean brainwashing me)

Thus, having said that, I proceed now with this post.

Of late, I feel like a ghost. Given, I would have chosen a word less spooky and with more elegance but sometimes, the basic term is the best expression of the mind. Eating is a routine, sleeping is unnecessary, living is labour. Under normal conditions, I eat in a no holds barred manner, to the point of abnormality. I have lost this passion. Eating is to me a duty. Each spoonful of stuff I put in my mouth is just because I have a responsibility to my body. To not let it wither. I love sleep, I still do and always will. But I find it becoming unnecessary and that I can do without pretty much of it. I can stay awake till 5am, sleep for near 5hours, and go the day without naps. I find it hard to sleep. It's like; fear of sleep. The human life is a labour. Don't get me wrong; Lord, I know I still have You. Yet, tis' so hard to live when living is a routine. I refuse to be a machine.

Stop these thoughts in me. Yet, as long as I live, my thoughts live with me. However, I figured out that my thoughts can be alive, but not living. And so, I shut my thoughts up in the prison of my mind, choosing to live each day with blankness and simplicity. And without living thoughts, I'm naught but flesh and bones. A physical body that I do not own, preserved by mere humanity. No, this is not a severe case of boredom, nor depression. Talk to me; you'd find me perfectly happy, normal, and myself. But yet, I ask this question:

Who am I?

My existence ceases with each passing moment. And I question, what is my existence? Why do I exist? Yes, I have heard much; so much, that the answer becomes the problem: it becomes routined. Therefore, I'm no longer seeking for the answer in your mind, one which you want to comfort me with. I'm seeking for something more. Something more than an answer..

The Chronicles of Wadeland: His Story

Once upon a time in a land unbeknownst to man, lived a breathtakingly beautiful Wade. His name is Wadefish. He was the only creature in the land that has sense, enough at least to cover the entire Wade population. Now, I believe you may be asking questions as such: What is a Wade? In a coconutshell, a Wade is basically a creature that exists. Therefore, a Mathematical equation will be as such:

Wade = Existence

Therefore, none can truly say, "Look, bro. I'm no Wade. I don't belong to your stupid story.", because etched deeply inside everyone one of us, is a Wade. Now, that brings us to the next question, which would simply be: What Wade am I then? I, for one, do not yet know exactly the nature which determines one's Wade, but all I can say is, it's pretty much up to the Fish.

Back to the story.

Now, one fine and bright morning, Wadefish was taking a stroll along the river when he noticed aimless Wades sitting around the banks of the river. They were not doing anything at all; and if you know the exact definition of doing nothing, you'd pretty much get the idea that these Wades were as good as dead. Wadefish, overwhelmed with compassion for these helpless, useless Wades, immediately decided to do something. And so, he formed the Wade Clan, recruited all these Wades, and called each one of them by name. His purpose was to give them an aim in life, something which they can live and die for. And the land which they dwelt in was given the name - Wadeland.

To be continued...

Will.I.Am:
I'm S S S Sorry
I'm S S S Sorry
I Didn't Mean To Break Your Heart
I Didn't Mean To Break Your Heart
I'm S S S Sorry
I'm S S S Sorry
I Didn't Mean To Break Ya
B B B B Break It Baby
Look Baby
I'm A Heartbreaker
I'm A Heartbreaker
I'm A Heartbreaker
I'm A Heartbreaker

Cheryl Cole:
You're A Heartbreaker
You're A Heartbreaker
You're A Heart

Both:
A H H H H I'm A Heart
A H H H I'm a

Defence of the Ancients

There exists a computer game. A game by the name, Defence of the Ancients. I am made of flesh and spirit. While my spirit is the Sentinel in the game, my flesh is the Scourge. They are constantly at war.

5 heroes aside, the battle begins. Sentinel has Christianity, Will, Conscience, Family, and Friends. Scourge has Movies, Games, Computer, Sleep, and Enemies-With-Undisclosed-Identities. In me, Sentinel is always fighting a losing battle.

Sentinel's towers and raxes are always down, and Scourge are always inside the base, waiting outside the Fountain of Life . Most of the heroes in Sentinel are weak and their levels are low. Only Will and Conscience are weakly resisting. Most of them have no items. If they do, the items would be basic items to lengthen their survival by a few seconds. Everytime they respawn, its an almost-immediate death for them if they don't stay near the fountain enough. Any attempts of resistance will result in another tens of seconds of respawning time.

So, why is Scourge so strong in me? Why are they overwhelming? Because I have fed them, and they have farmed and grown very fat indeed. They have reached level 25. Their items are godlike. Most heroes have evasion, critical strike, cleaving damage, lifesteal and permanent stun. Given enough time and rematches, they'd probably be able to even break the Fountain of Life, one day. The Tree of Life is a goner.

What do you do then, in these situations?

I'd say, QUIT THE GAME.

I am no leaver by nature, but if certain circumstances prevail, nature may change. - The Great Clarence

An Uninspired Blogger Writes

It's been two long weeks, but it's finally over!

Just some updates. I was actually in Malacca for about two weeks, preparing and practicing for my drama performance which was on the 28th. It was a stage drama entitled "Wish Upon A Crane" by Centre Stage Productions, in aid of the National Kidney Foundation's Children Dialysis Fund. Practice was boring as I've got nothing much to do. Most of my parts were already sorta perfected before this, so the intense practice was mostly focused on the synchronization of the overture and dance, which Macho Me was not involved in. Nevertheless, I had a fairly nice time sleeping till lunch everyday, waking up to find food, lazing on the couch watching tv, and playing mahjong, while everyone slugged to practice.

On the 24th-27th, I went for the PKV camp in Camerons. In case you don't know, PKV is Persaudaraan Kristian Varsiti for my university. It was a really great experience for me, as I was the leader of a group. Besides the fun, Mr. Lian gave some really good insights during his sessions. Thoroughly enjoyed the camp, though I was soaked to my toes during the treasure hunt. Never have I been in a colder state than that. My teeth were chattering and I was shivering.

So, two weeks were alright, excluding all the travelling I had to do. My entire journey could be summed up by this.

Ipoh > KL > Malacca > KL > Camerons > KL > Malacca > Ipoh.

Long bus rides can kill.

Well, that's all for now. December will be a duper fun month, because I love my mom, I love my friends, I love the food, I love the fun, and they are all here, in dear Ipoh! Gonna enjoy my month here before it's back to the grindstone for me.

A simple post by a boring blogger.

Spoon - Finer Feelings

Memphis comes creeping down my back
Somehow this place tastes just like an attack
A hundred-yard-stare of a kiss
Lord, I know I'll never miss it

They told me stop scouting the field
They told me have a look in Commercial Appeal
And start getting that hair cut sharp

Sometimes I think that I'll find a love
One that's gonna change my heart
I'll find it in Commercial Appeal
And then this heartache'll get chased away

I was part-time at the Tasty Prawn
That and moving furniture and cutting lawns
Covered in newsprint, staying up real late
Just holding out for some fate

Sometimes I think that I'll find a love
One that's gonna change my heart
I'll find it in Commercial Appeal
And then this heartache'll get chased away
[x2]

I was dreaming in the driver's seat
When the right words just came to me
And all my finer feelings came up

Always out on some witch's hunt
For the one who never lets me want
Before you know it it's all fuss

Sometimes I think that I'll find a love
One that's gonna change my heart
I'll find it in Commercial Appeal
And then this heartache'll get chased away
[x2]

Self-Love : The Economics Perspective

Alright, this is 90% cut and paste work, but it's worth a read.

“Man has almost constant occasion for the help of his brethren, and it is vain for him to expect it from their benevolence only. He will be more likely to prevail if he can interest their self-love in his favor, and show them that it is for their own advantage to do for him what he requires of them.

It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest.

Every individual neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it.

He intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention. Nor is it always the worse for the society that it was no part of it. By pursuing his own interest he frequently promotes that of the society more effectually than when he really intends to promote it.”

Adam Smith - Passages from The Wealth of Nations.

Main reason why I'm studying Economics. It justifies all kinds of evil in a logical way.

The Beauty And The Beast

Once, I thought this was beauty.



As I grew up, I felt that this was beauty.



Still, at one point in my life I felt that this was true beauty.



At times I was almost sure that this was beauty.



Then again, at times I felt that this was it.



But at then end of all comtemplations, I stumbled upon a truth. The truth that man sees beauty with the heart, and not the eyes. I come to realise, how volatile beauty is to the eyes alone, that man can choose to see beauty in anything and anyone when he wants to. At the same time, man can choose to not see beauty, at his leisure.

At the end of it, I realised that I still have not found beauty, because I am the contradiction of mankind. The beauty that I see with my eyes alone often stays, but the beauty that I see with my heart, is the beauty that is volatile. It is then that I come upon the conclusion that my heart is volatile, that I can never trust my heart.

And yet, when all else fades, I realise that I have found that beauty after all, where neither my heart nor my eyes cheat me. The beauty that resides in my subconscious. The beauty that is unchanging, in all circumstances. The beauty that is eternal. The beauty that is, love.

I have found you, beauty.



Thank you for your love.

P/S: Happy Birthday, Sis.

Earth To Bella

Before anything else, I just want to wish Mom,

Happy Birthday!

But this is not a boring birthday shoutout post, don't worry. There is so much to blog, but so little space. So many words to type, but so little time. So much thoughts, but so difficult to express. So, take a ride with me.

Many of you must be wondering if Rubella killed me. Well, no. I'm alive, and probably more alive than before. Yes, for those still in the unknown, Rubella struck when I had my Raya break. Basically, it's a holiday gone wrong for me. The only few days in beautiful Ipoh had to be spent stuck in my room, reading Calvin and Hobbes (the only comfort I had). But who could I blame? It's I, who hugged my Rubella stricken friend in the first place and stole the disease from him. It's I, who refused the vaccination provided by my beloved university. In exchange for a healthier body, and a stronger immune system, I chose the road not taken.

The road of Rubella.

Well, in the few days I spent itching, groaning, and cursing Rubella, I could only say I learnt nothing but endurance. It was one of the most torturing diseases one could get. You feel hot, you feel cold, one right after the other. Your throat feels so dry that you need fluid all the time. You can't sleep at night because of the heat from your body and the cold air from the air-cond. Your body contradicts and you suffer the consequences. Not forgetting the lumps, which stiffen the neck and it's painful, for goodness sake. Well, the after-effects couldn't be less worst either. I had a post-viral arthritis syndrome, where all my joints (fingers, wrists, legs) are swollen and they are kinda painful, similar to that of arthritis; the only difference being its temporal nature. Of course, as the rashes subsided, there was the itch which caused me two sleepless nights and thwarted my attempts at catching some afternoon naps. And one of the post-Rubella effects that I'm still wallowing in is dried lips. So dry, that it bleeds for no reason in the morning. The bleeding stopped by the way.

Many of my friends laughed at me, because I was laughing and joking all the time about the Rubella outbreak in my university before this. Some of them laughed, because they felt that I was "stupid" enough to refuse vaccination. But I, I will have the last, and perhaps, the longest and loudest laugh. Because at the end of it, I can point a finger at all of you who have not been through what I have been through and say, I did it my way. I made it, I survived, without man made, artificial immunity, which weakens the body's immune system eventually. I will laugh because all of you laughed at my wisdom which you labelled stupidity. I will live longer than every single one of you. I will be doing your eulogy. Muahahaha.

Hello Blog, Goodbye Blog.

No, I'm not wearing a straight jacket. I'm fine, thank you.

Rubella, Rubella, go away. Come again another day.

=)

Why Am I Only Able To Write Blog Posts When It's In The Odd Hours Of The Beautiful Morning.

There are two reasons why I can only blog when it's 4.00 a.m. in the morning.

a) I am nocturnal. I am inspired by the morning air.

b) Due to the extremely advanced WIFI technology of my beloved UM, the connection is only stable during this hour of the day.

Well, there is no clear objective or motive to this post. I am just floating about. So, if half-way down this post, you feel that it is not making sense, or worth reading, stop reading, and blame it on the morning air.

First of all, one of the urgent issues I would like to address would be the "Wadefish" issue. Around April this year, I gave birth to a monster named "Wadefish". From that moment onwards, "Wadefish" was seen everywhere, from Garena to MSN. What really was the problem was this. Nobody could understand nor pronounce the name properly without asking me an explanation. And so, what I get is people calling me wade ( the act of walking through water or mud ) -fish. Also, I have a friend who calls me waterfish, which, literally translated to Cantonese, would be sui yue, which would mean "scapegoat" in English. Confusing, yes, but the point is this. I need to clarify this so people would stop asking the same question so many times that it plots an exponential graph.

Before I proceed, there are 3 options you can choose to go from here.

a) If you're an overly free person, read this. If you're not mentally challenged in any way, and you're able to read and think like a normal human being, I believe this post would clear the air on the etymology of "Wadefish" and the right pronounciation that comes with it. Then, after reading, you can resume playing Who Has The Biggest Brains in Facebook, or resume nudging people in MSN, and need not continue reading this post, which by now, you would have found it to be rather stupid.

b) If you're an overly busy person, but so happened to be here because you love me alot and you're concern with what's latest in my blog, but you just don't have the time to read an old post which after reading you will find that it doesn't make sense, scroll down and you will find a summary which obviously functions to sum everything up, from the etymology of "Wadefish" to the right pronounciation of it.

c) If you're crazy and you know it, do all the above. *ClapClap*


Wadefish - The Etymology
The origins of the word came during enlightenment which I achieved when I spent my time meditating on how to make the world a better place for you and me to live in, and how to promote a cause in the world and improve the moral standards of humans at the same time. The moment of revelation created this urge to lessen the usage of words considered foul, rude, rough, uncouth, discriminating and denigrating in nature and at the same time, promote the noble cause of conserving animals, working with WWF ( World Wide Fund for Nature ) in achieving this purpose.

But how can this be done? As everyone knows, the act of killing two birds with one stone is logically impossible. And English came up with this illogical metaphor just to sound impressive, but then again, it illustrates the point to the point ( no pun intended ). And so, together with the board of directors, we brain-stormed for, well, quite some time I would say ( I don't want to exaggerate it so that this would sound real ) before we eventually came up with a brilliant idea on how to pull this off. The idea was to have people around the world to participate in a conscious effort to distort words deemed "unholy" by replacing them with names of animals facing the dangers of extinction.

I chose to distort the classic, most notorious, and the mother of all "unholy" words. Now, I can barely remember what "What The F*ck" is, for "What The Fish" has completely dominated the war I wage against the terrorism of words. And so, after a little adaptation, some adjustment, and a few touch-ups, "What The Fish" evolved into the now famous but often misconstrued and mispronounced "Wadefish".


There. That's a little too long for a summary, but I guess I'll have it. Why did I start the post with "First of all" when there is no "Secondly" following? Why did I say "one of the urgent issues" when there are no other issues I wish to address in this post? And why did I even mention that there is "no clear objective or motive to this post" when obviously I made a contradicting statement in saying that I wish to clarify the "Wadefish" issue in this post? Lastly, "I am nocturnal. I am inspired by the morning air" is a paradox, I just noticed. Now, that's what we call TRIVIA, baby!

And, voila! Another masterpiece creates herself in the wee hours of the day.

I never could have written this any other time of the day.

Hum Hallelujah

A picture speaks a thousand words. Or feelings.

I did not get the Sime Darby scholarship.

Once again, Scholarship won. To date, the score is 3-0.

It's time for a reality check, bro. What's wrong with you? The answer, you are not good enough. No, not even for a simple scholarship. You had everything ready, just the funding, and you screwed it up in the interview. Don't give interview-a-phobia as a lame excuse. You sucked, and you know it.

And while the 50 inside me rejoices that I'll be staying in Malaysia after all, the other 50 is killing me with derogatory words. Like the above. I keep asking the same question, Why? They were offering 20 places to overseas. 20. No, not 1 or 5. But 20. And I could lose out. I do not like losing. I hate losing. It makes me feel low. It makes me feel useless. It makes me feel that whatever I have achieved so far is of no value. I hate the inferior feeling I get when I lose.

It was 50-50 all the while. But I thought that if I don't get the scholarship, the 50 who rejoices would be the louder voice. I guess I'm wrong. Nothing, no one, is more important than my ambitions, my dreams, my aspirations. And therefore, the other 50 inside me is consciously puncturing my confidence now.

Maybe, it's time for new ambitions. It's time for new dreams. It's time for new aspirations. And it's all gonna be here, in my beloved Malaysia. God, I will swallow this with joy. And it's time I learn a lesson.

"God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble."

James 4:6

Shatter my confidence, Lord. Crush all my self-belief. Overwhelm my pride, my ego. For Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. Carry me to the lowest, for there will I learn.

And I will rise again.

The bowman could not release his arrow after all. Maybe it's time I try some sniping. Could at least kick some ass in COD4.

I'm no good, I'm no good, I'm no good.

"So Jesus said to him, "Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God."

Luke 18:19

The Bro Code

For origins of The Bro Code, click on the link in the title. This would run for some time in my blog, I guess. Till I have better posts.

The Bro Code Article #60

Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl’s wildly unattractive cousin / friend / mother.

Many more to come, ladies and gentlemen. Guess me + Yo will do some editing to Barbanas Stinson's Bro Code. Here are some extended articles, by the Great Yohanand.

Article 26
Article 53
Article 89
Article 63

Enjoy.

The Bowman

It is manifest that the same thing cannot do two opposite things, or be in two opposite states, in the same part of it, and with reference to the same object, so that where we find these phenomena occuring, we shall know that the subjects of them are not identical, but more than one.

Let us come to a still more exact understanding, lest we should chance to differ as we proceed. If it were said of a man who is standing still, but moving his hands and his head, that the same individual is at the same time at rest and in motion, we should not, I imagine, allow this to be a correct way of speaking, but should say that part of the man is at rest, and part in motion : should we not?

And if the objector should indulge in yet further pleasantries, so far refining as to say that at any rate a top is wholly at rest and in motion at the same time, when it spins with its peg fixed on a given spot, or that anything else revolving in the same place is an instance of the same thing, we should reject his illustration, because in such cases the things are not both stationary and in motion in respect of the same parts of them, and we should reply that they contain an axis and a circumference, and that in respect of the axis they are stationary, inasmuch as they do not lean to any side; but in respect of the circumference they are moving round and round: but if, while the rotatory motion continues, the axis at the same time inclines to the right or to the left, forwards or backwards, then they cannot be said in any sense to be at rest.

Then no objection of that kind will alarm us, or tend at all to convince us that it is ever possible for one and the same thing, at the same time, in the same part of it, and relatively to the same object, to be acted upon in two opposite ways, or to be two opposite things, or to produce two opposite effects.

The bowman analogy is the perfect cry of my soul. It would not be right to say of the bowman, that his hands are at the same time drawing the bow towards him, and pushing it from him, the fact being that one of his hands pushes it from him, and the other pulls it to him. The left hand pushes the bow out, and yet, the right hand cannot function the same way. The right hand has to function as an antagonist, the rebel of the movement procured, in order for the bow to work. And so, the right hand pulls the bow towards the bowman. As the tension increases, the right hand eventually has to give in. Two opposite actions then converge into one, resulting in the bow releasing the arrow, meeting its mark.

Socrates, in Plato's Republic, stated that a man's soul contains two principles, distinct one from the other. The part of the soul with which it reasons is given the title of the rational principle, and to that part with which it loves and hungers and thirsts, and experiences the flutter of the other desires, the title of the irrational and concupiscent principle, the ally of sundry indulgences and pleasures.

The rational principle in me would be the left hand of the bowman, while the irrational principle, the right. Rational pushes me, confirming that I will go if I get the scholarship. But the state of my heart is the opposite. The irrational principle holds me back, pulls me the other way. Eventually, the latter principle will give in to the distinct and stronger principle; the former principle. And that is where two opposite states converge into one; realising my dreams, my aspirations, my ambitions.

Tomorrow, is the dawn of a new beginning. Morning jog will start. And I will be fasting and praying for 3 days. For my grandmother, my family, and for my friends.

Can I live on water?

"And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God. "

Luke 4 : 4

Thank you, brothers and sisters, for all the encouragement.

I value them, more than anything else.

I got through the Sime Darby assessment, and I'll be going for the final interview tomorrow.

Which way will I go?

What will it be?


Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up but we're alive
Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up but we'll survive

Our Lady Peace - Life

I have so randomed-thoughts in my mind that I do not know how to begin.

Today, I realised I am not special.

Not unique, not exceptional, not remarkable.

Not gifted, not talented, not wanted.

Today, I don't feel belonged.

Today, I don't feel loved.

Today, I realised I am nobody.

I have always felt the opposite about myself; maybe partly due to the comfort zone I was in, the people I was around; who made me feel special, made me feel that I am someone. People who affirmed me, who let me know I can do great things.

Today, I thought and I realised, I am nothing. What I thought I was good at, there are always people out there who are better. I am alone; I lack the support I get from you guys back at home.

I am common.

I am just a speck in the world.

An insignificant speck.

In social animals, the alpha male is the individual in the community to whom the others follow and defer. In some groups, the alpha males are overrepresented in the genetics of a population if they are the only ones who breed successfully.

Chimpanzees show deference to the alpha of the community by ritualised gestures such as bowing, allowing the alpha to walk first in a procession, or standing aside when the alpha challenges. Canines also show deference to the alpha in their pack, by allowing them to be the first to eat.

The status of the alpha is generally achieved by means of superior physical prowess; however, in certain highly social species such as the bonobo and humans, a contender can use more indirect methods, such as political alliances, to oust the ruling alpha and take his place.

Courtesy of Wikipedia.

Bedshaped

An overview of the beautiful room I currently reside in.

E316.


The humble abode.


The rest.


The locker.


The desk.


The air-cond.


The hermit.

There. Sorry for the low quality photos. All taken with my laptop's integrated webcam.

A World Of Thoughts

I am no orator.

How I long to verbalize my thoughts.

Often I find myself thinking, but always unable to turn thoughts into spoken words. I can only pen them down; how I wish I have the gift of an orator.

Indeed, I am an unintelligible teacher.

Unable to cope with verbal communication, I am left trapped in a world of ideas. Many may disagree with this statement, but free yourself from delusion; for I only impress with meaningless words.

I want to speak with substance. I want to make myself heard; not in the same manner anymore.

I want to speak with the mind.

The ideal state is a state ruled by philosophers.