Friday, August 22, 2008

I did not get the Sime Darby scholarship.

Once again, Scholarship won. To date, the score is 3-0.

It's time for a reality check, bro. What's wrong with you? The answer, you are not good enough. No, not even for a simple scholarship. You had everything ready, just the funding, and you screwed it up in the interview. Don't give interview-a-phobia as a lame excuse. You sucked, and you know it.

And while the 50 inside me rejoices that I'll be staying in Malaysia after all, the other 50 is killing me with derogatory words. Like the above. I keep asking the same question, Why? They were offering 20 places to overseas. 20. No, not 1 or 5. But 20. And I could lose out. I do not like losing. I hate losing. It makes me feel low. It makes me feel useless. It makes me feel that whatever I have achieved so far is of no value. I hate the inferior feeling I get when I lose.

It was 50-50 all the while. But I thought that if I don't get the scholarship, the 50 who rejoices would be the louder voice. I guess I'm wrong. Nothing, no one, is more important than my ambitions, my dreams, my aspirations. And therefore, the other 50 inside me is consciously puncturing my confidence now.

Maybe, it's time for new ambitions. It's time for new dreams. It's time for new aspirations. And it's all gonna be here, in my beloved Malaysia. God, I will swallow this with joy. And it's time I learn a lesson.

"God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble."

James 4:6


Shatter my confidence, Lord. Crush all my self-belief. Overwhelm my pride, my ego. For Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. Carry me to the lowest, for there will I learn.

And I will rise again.

The bowman could not release his arrow after all. Maybe it's time I try some sniping. Could at least kick some ass in COD4.

I'm no good, I'm no good, I'm no good.

"So Jesus said to him, "Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God."

Luke 18:19

9 comments:

pismayka said...

take care friend.
smile.:)

all things work out for the good of those who love Him.

n' i read this somewhere before, 'a true winner has to first learn how to lose.' but anyway, u're not the one who's losing out cos they're the one who's losing a great 'yan choi' like you fren.

need a listening ear?a shoulder?
just call 0125096051. sorry it's not toll-free though x)

cheer up :)

wadefish said...

pismayka : you're a great encouragement to me, friend. and that number thing, hmm.. seems familiar. plagiarism. in my own blog. =) thanks anyway, friend.

Steven Chang said...

Hey bro, either do I could accept the fact that I'm going for NS. But I believe that everything happens for a reason. It is part of God's plans and purposes for us.
There are times that it is indeed a very bitter pill for us to swallow, but then, beyond every hard times, there is glory awaiting for us in the end.

Sit back and see what God have for us in the future.=)

Anonymous said...

many things we dun understand when it happens. when we look back from the future, only then would we be able to see the lessons behind it.

like what pismayka said...god's plan for us is always the best.

believed it n press on.

-the saint-

wadefish said...

steven chang : lol, bro. i've just posted a reply. you and elder william, indeed are related. even post comments at the same time =) yes, bro. i'm swallowing it. worse than cough mixture. but, yes, i'm doing it. =)

thesaint : thanks, unc. william. i am anticipating what lies ahead, so that i can look back and interpret what lay behind.

drag0nslayer said...

swt"...why suddenly COD4 all comming in....lolzz

oneway said...

God's children are more than a conqueror (Hupernikomen), he's on our side! Just learned this from the Singaporeans! Press on and keep it up!

~ CORRINNE MAH ~ said...

God gives more than you will ever expect. Just don't be surprised what He gives!

corrinne mah

wadefish said...

drag0nslayer : sorry, bro. tension la. must resort to violence. haha.

oneway : thanks for the encouragement. yes, i am more than a conqueror!

corrinne : thanks, teacher. already have some good news now. will post it up soon.