What else should I be?

All apologies.

What else could I say?

Everyone is gay.

What else could I write?

I don't have the right.

What else should I be?

All apologies.

In the sun

In the sun I feel as one

In the sun

In the sun

Married!

Buried!

I wish I was like you

Easily amused

Find my nest of salt

Everything is my fault

I'll take all the blame

Aqua seafoam shame

Sunburn with freezer burn

Choking on the ashes of her enemy

In the sun

In the sun I feel as one

In the sun

In the sun

Married, Married, Married!

Buried!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

All in all is all we are [x20]

A day in the life of a lecturer.

Yes, sir! I'm sure there aren't any easier or simpler words such as TOLERATION!

Yes, sir! We know you're VERY SICK that's why you FORGOT to prepare for class!

Yes, sir! We believe you're not LAZY but you just don't feel very well every week!

Yes, sir! Have a GOOD SLEEP while we stay guard for you! We'll throw UM car stickers if we see Ghauth Jasmon coming in!

Fin.

I am from the infamous UNIVERSITI MALAYA!

Great administration, great services, great facilities, GREAT VC!

All hail GHAUTH JASMON!

All hail his student's-welfare-first policies!

It's raining car stickers in UM!

Grab one with your buttcrack now while stocks last!

100 is a number.

Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowing turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature.

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity.

It begins with a grumbling mood, and yourself still distinct from it: perhaps criticizing it. And yourself, in a dark hour, may will that mood, embrace it. You can repent and come out of it again. But there may come a day when you can do that no longer. Then there will be no you left to criticize the mood, nor even to enjoy it, but just the grumble itself going on forever like a machine.

C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce.

Finality must come sometime.

C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain.

A Great Flaw

This is the original article (with the title) I wrote and sent to Malaysiakini.

You can read the published one here.

I am a second year student in UM. I am writing this to express my discontent over a prevailing issue in Universiti Malaya. I would narrate a recent experience to emphasise my point. Just yesterday, on a Sunday evening, I was pulled over by the security guard at the KL gate. I was told by the guard rudely that if I wanted to go to PJ, I’d have to take a big round instead of passing through UM; even if I’m a student of Universiti Malaya. Right up to here, everything seems fine and the guard seems perfectly justified. But what I’m puzzled over is how random and inconsistent these security checks are; laced with heavy double standards. I understand perfectly that 1^st and 2^nd year students are not allowed to bring their vehicles into campus in order to reduce the traffic. However, this was never implemented with consistency and most of the time, everyone is allowed to pass through UM without as much as a question. The enactment of this policy was a wrong move to begin with; what more the failed implementation. Administration in UM should understand that they do not have enough places in their residential colleges for everyone to stay in campus. That is why three quarter of 2^nd and 3^rd year students have to live outside. And not all students staying outside of campus have direct access to public transport to get to class. And so, some of these students enjoy the privilege of having their own cars as a mean of transport. However, now we face another problem. If we’re not allowed to bring our cars into the campus, how are we supposed to get to class? What with the high food and lodging costs of staying outside, now we have to take a taxi to the nearest bus or LRT station every single day to get to UM just because we’re not allowed to bring our cars into campus even though we have one?

I strongly believe that the administration should have thought of this before enacting and implementing ineffective and half the time, inactive policies as such. And because of the inconsistency of the policy’s implementation, students are often confused about the legitimacy of bringing their vehicles into campus. But we still do it anyway out of desperation, and most of the time, we do get away with it. What I suggest here is the eradication of this policy so that students are no longer stopped randomly just because the security guard at the gate feels like it on that particular day or the security guard on shift is a hardworking one who doesn’t slack in upholding the institution’s policies. I believe that UM students, most of the time with the only intent of attending lectures (even for the purpose of bypassing traffic), should be allowed to bring their vehicles into campus and utilise its roads.

With that in light, I also question UM’s policy concerning the public’s use of its gates. Is the public allowed to use the roads in UM or only people who have serious business in UM? I think everyone can agree that every day, a great number of road users utilise the compounds of UM to pass from PJ to KL or vice versa in order to avoid the traffic in Federal Highway. But these people were never stopped; almost all time. Why weren’t these people stopped by the security guard at the gate? Why wasn’t the man driving a Mercedes Benz stopped while I, a student of Universiti Malaya, was stopped and questioned rudely like a criminal? People with nice, collared shirt driving big, expensive cars are allowed to pass from KL to PJ through UM grounds while trendy looking youths driving economical Peroduas have to be questioned and let through with a warning never to use the road again. Isn’t this a display of double standards at its highest?

Therefore, I hope that the administration come up with a clear policy with effective implementation on these two issues: UM students bringing their vehicles into the campus and utilising its roads, and the public use of UM’s roads. ONE, either you stop and question every single person entering UM, allowing students or those with business in UM to pass through, or TWO, you open the roads for public use. I believe the former would be a crazy idea to even be considered as we already have a major traffic jam at both the KL and PJ gates during peak hours in the evening. I hope that this seemingly little but important issue is brought to the attention of people who have the power to do something about it and resolved as soon as possible.

Clarence Choong
2^nd year student of UM

Michael's Death

“It seemed to me that his internal essence was at war with the norms of the world. It’s as if he was trying to defy gravity."

Michael Levine, Hollywood publicist

Looking back, I still vividly remember my first blog post.

It was about Michael Jackson.

Never thought I'd have to write a post on his death 4 years after that first post.

Never thought it would end today.

You shattered the barriers of black and white with your music.

You were above what we foolishly term "race".

King of Pop?

I'd say Man of Passion.

Thank you.

No matter what they say, you'd always be defying gravity.

Rest in peace.

Michael Jackson

August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

Jamie Scott & The Town
When Will I See Your Face Again

(Verse)

Here I am, everyday, 
Since you said, you'd come again, 
But it's not fair, cos you're not here, 
I wait in vain, but nothing has chaaanged, 

I'm a flower, soaking in the rain, 
If I could wish one thing, I'd hear you call my name, 

(Chorus) 

So when will I see your face again, 
When will you touch my life again (ohh yeah), 
When will I breathe you in again (ha), 
I think I love youuu...will I see your face again, 

(2nd Verse) 

Little thing, like the rain coming, 
She looked at me a certain kind of way, 
Tell me girl, where are you nowww, 
'Cos I don't know how much longer I can waaait, 

I'm a dreamer, waiting for the sun, 
When you're coming in, I know my life's begun, 
Tell me girl... 

(Chorus) 

When will I see your face again,(ohh yeaaah), 
When will you touch my life again (ummm um), 
When will I breathe you in again, 
I think I love youuu, will I see your face again, 

(Bridge) 

You know that all my life I've been waaaiting, 
Waiting for sooome, someone like you to love me, 
You can't come by like an angel, into my life, 
And then fly awaaaay, flyyyyyy away, 

Oh honey, cos I, uh baby, ba ba doo yeah, ohh ohhhh, 
Sing, I've only seen youuu, oh, I said, uh huh, I said I said, yeah (woo) 

(Chorus) 

When will I see your face again (I wanna see you once in my life), 
When will you touch my life again, (I wanna see you twice in my life), 
When will I breathe you in again (ohhh), 
I think I love youuu, will I see your face again, 

I said, see bap pa da doo ba ba (ohhh), 
Bap ba doo yeah, that's what we do yeaahhh (ohh), 
When will I see your face again my friend, 
Oh yeah, I think you gotta let me know yeah, 
Ohh yeahhh...

Questions Rudyard Kipling Forgot To Ask

If you have an obsession to steal, would you offer to safeguard your neighbour's treasures?

If you have a tendecy to lie, would you tell your best friend the truth under pressure?

If you have an exotic taste for Chinese delicacy, would you stare at your dog in hunger?

If you have a twisted compulsion to kill, would you be around your family members?

If you have an impulsive heart which fluctuates, would you dare to love, and love forever?

How I Discovered I Was A Mutant

14th June 2009

It all started on a calm Sunday morning. I woke up at about 0715 to prepare for morning worship in church. As usual, I took my bath. Before we continue on, let me briefly explain certain necessary facts. The water piping system in every house differs. For mine, the shower and the tap share a common pipeline. This means that the usage of one affects the other. For example, if I'm using the shower and at the same time, I turn on the basin tap, the volume of water that flows out from the shower head will be disrupted and reduced. It's a very basic and common theory; thus, never really caught my attention before this. However, a strange occurence this morning compelled me to record this down; in the event anything untoward happens to me.

Let's pick up from where we stopped. As I was bathing, I turned on the tap to rinse my mouth. As expected (inferred from the theory above), less water flowed out from the shower head I was holding. I carried on bathing without much notice until I decided to take a leak. I was holding the shower head while urinating when I realised the flow of water was still disrupted. I turned my head around to check if I left the tap running; strange enough, I didn't. And so, mildly surprised, I decided to put the shower head back in place. When I did that, things returned to normal. Dismissing some ridiculous ideas in my head, I concluded that the piping system was probably messed up.

The water was a little too cold in the morning. I turned the water heater on and resumed bathing. After awhile, a warm feeling enveloped my body. The joy of heater, I thought. It felt good at first but when it gradually grew warmer, I began to feel uncomfortable. Thinking it was the water, I tried adjusting the heat level - to no avail. Soon, the warmth turned into a burning sensation and I turned the shower off altogether. I began to freak out when the heat did not subside. In a moment of panic, I rushed out of the shower and managed to turn the heater off before I was barbecued alive.

I told my mom I wasn't feeling too well for church that day and locked myself in the room. In my towel, I sat and thought to myself. After one too many ideas flooded my mind, I could no longer sit and think. I plucked my courage and went into the bathroom. With one hand, I held the shower head. I turned the water on and the flow was normal. Then, I took a deep breath and started to urinate. To my horror, the flow of water was disrupted and significantly reduced. I was functioning like the basin tap! I did another experiment with the heater and achieved the expected results. I soon realised that my body hacked into every system I was in contact with and fused with it. Stunned and speechless, I walked out of the bathroom a naked man.

I do not yet know the extent of my powers in detail but what I do know is that I could no longer live in the same community anymore. I had to leave. I put some clothes on, packed my stuff, wrote a note, and left the house before my mom came home. In that note, it says:

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry to leave on such a short notice but it's a decision I have to make with a heavy heart. I'm not sure if you were aware of this or you were hiding my true origins from me all along. I found out today that I'm different from all of you and I could no longer live in a community of normal beings. If I stay, my true nature would soon be exposed and chaos would follow. I do not want to put the family at risk; most importantly, put you at risk with the authorities and the inconsiderate majority living in fear of my kind. I do not want to endanger you, mom. Time is running out. Live well.

With love,

Clarence.

And so, I walk a lonely road in search of answers, my brethren, and acceptance.

The road of a mutant.

The Times, They Are a-Changing

Movie Carnival 2009 was a great experience. With a group of friends, I signed up for this 10-days-job. Tiring but nonetheless, every moment was worth it. Throughout these 10 days, I learnt many valuable lessons. Lessons on life which I thought I already knew.

If you've seen some of the photos I uploaded in Facebook, you might be wondering what my job actually was. Well, my job scope actually covers the movie patrol; none of that which you saw in those photos. Basically, I go around with 2 other colleagues, playing games, asking movie trivias, and giving out freebies; including free movie tickets! But hey, it wasn't an easy job. In fact, it was tough and embarassing. Especially when there were no people around and you have to talk to the air yelling "Free stuff!" It also pissed me off when people treated us with the disgust they usually lash on a salesperson. Some even walk away without looking at us, as if we were invisible. But I have the last laugh. You stupid people missed out on all the freebies. You people will never enjoy any good and free stuff in life. You will always live with a protective shell around you. Uneducated kiasu cynics. Go live in Singapore.

And throughout this period, I got to know many people. Call me a "katak di bawah tempurung" but I never realised the culture now is so different. Quoting Bob Dylan, the times, they really are a-changing. Smoking is no longer a taboo (even for girls) and tattoos are as common as piercings. I'm not stereotyping, I'm not discriminating, but I'm living on principles. I don't consider smoking morally wrong; there's not even any direct verses in the Bible which forbid smoking. But being a Christian, I do not want to be a stumbling block to people around me. Plus, smoking kills. Yes, I'm a Christian and I'm not ashamed to be one. So, when I found out that both my colleagues smoke, I had to detach myself from the group; often joining my friends in the Superhero Factory whenever there's free time.

Now, don't get me wrong. They were nice and fun people and it was great knowing them. However, through the course of our interaction, I came to a conclusion we were people from different worlds. And so, with a barrier in between, the friendship could never go any deeper than a superficial one. Nevertheless, I would always consider the paths worth crossing.

Throughout this period, I also realised that only by living together will you discover how one differs from the other. 5 of us, we were living under the same roof; 5 with very different characters and believe me, there were unhappiness even for the short time. However, I learnt to give and take. Though I may not say it quite as much, I always knew who my true friends were. Here, I want to especially thank Kin Wai. In the way you treated me and Wee Keng, I can't help but be moved by your sincerity. I never knew you quite so well before this but I think I do now; a little more at least. You are a true friend. You have a character that I salute.  

Many years have passed, many people have changed. And I've seen many principles compromised and slain by the unrelenting peer pressure. But the core of the problem never was the people. The problem lies with the individual. Nothing is beyond control. It's a choice. I do not want to be conformed to this world. I want be transformed by the renewing spirit of the mind. But how can I be transformed when I'm a weak and struggling Christian? And hence, I fear for myself; how long can I live on my principles? Will I too change one day? Will I see myself walking down the road of conformity in years to come? Uncertainty is the heart of fear. And fear is the heart of every man.

I want the power to change; for better, not for worse. The power to change not only me but the people around me. I want to conform without compromising my principles and values. I want to be a Jew to the Jews, a Gentile to the Gentiles. I want to conform in the way that I may have the power to transform.

I want the city on the hill to be seen.

Oh, I Actually Got Tagged? =)

Apologies for the lack of posts lately. It's been all lyrics for the last few posts. Previously was in the holiday mood and currently, working. So, don't really have that blogging feel or the mind to think.

Anyway, just had a minor accident driving my friend's car. Feeling really bad now. Waiting for him to come back and face the music. Gruesome one hour; so I thought I'll do this (tagged by Angel) just to get my mind off things. Exhausted, can't focus while driving and can't seem to think now.

"100" Truths
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 5 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

I don't care bout this shit on top.

WHAT WAS YOUR :
1. Last beverage: Coke.
2. Last phone call: Wee Keng.
3. Last text message: Kin Wai.
4. Last song you listened to: Me Muero by Utada.
5. Last time you cried: Just today, in my dreams.

HAVE YOU EVER :
6. Dated someone twice: Define date?
7. Been cheated on: Guess so.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: -
9. Lost someone special: Yes.
10. Been depressed: Rarely.
11. Been drunk and threw up: Drunk, never; threw up, yes.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS :
12. Black.
13. White.
14. Red.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU : (2009)
15. Made a new friend: Yeah.
16. Fallen out of love: Love is not something you fall into and out of.
17. Laughed until you cried: No.
18. Met someone who changed you: Change always come from within.
19. Found out who your true friends were: Always knew.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Who cares.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: -
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Unimportant.
23. How many kids do you want to have: 2 boys, 2 girls.
24. Do you have any pets: Sasha.
25. Do you want to change your name: No.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Celebrate.
27. What time did you wake up today: 10.15 am.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: DotA-ing.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: My friend to reach home now.
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 26th  May 2009.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Nothing.
32. What are you listening to right now: Utada.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: Me being dreamy and careless.
35. Most visited webpage: Alot.
36. Whats your real name: Clarence Choong Weng Ki.
37. Nicknames: Wide range.
38. Relationship Status: Single.
39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio.
40. Male or female?: Male.
41. Elementary?: What's elementary? Don't know.
42. Middle School?: St. Michael 2, Ipoh.
43. High school/college?: St. Michael's Institution, Ipoh.
44. Hair colour: Black.
45. Long or short: Messy.
46. Height: Short.
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: Yeah, his name is Clarence.
48. What do you like about yourself?: Everything.
49. Piercings: 1.
50. Tattoos: Birth marks counted?
51. Righty or lefty: Stupid question.

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: Stitching and stuff counted?
53. First piercing: 2008.
54. First best friend: Never had one.
55. First sport you joined: Never remembered.
56. First vacation: -
58. First pair of trainers: -

RIGHT NOW :
59. Eating: Nothing.
60. Drinking: Nothing.
61. I'm about to: Kill myself for denting my friend's car.
62. Listening to: On & On by Utada.
63. Waiting on: The world to change.

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: Yeah.
65. Get Married?: Why not?
66. Career?: Definitely.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: Depends on what it's used for.
68. Hugs or kisses: Kicks, punches and slaps.
69. Shorter or taller: If everyone is equal in height.
70. Older or Younger: Immortality.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Intellectual.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice character.
73. Sensitive or loud: Charismatic introvert.
74. Hook-up or relationship: Friendship.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Outlaw for a cause.

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: -
77. Drank hard liquor: Yeah.
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Broken got.
79. Sex on first date: I'm no whore.
80. Broken someone's heart: -
82. Been arrested: -
83. Turned someone down: -
84. Cried when someone died: Yeah.
85. Fallen for a friend?: -

DO YOU BELIEVE IN :
86. Yourself: Always.
87. Miracles: In a different context.
88. Love at first sight: No.
89. Heaven: Yeah.
90. Santa Claus: Screw him.
91. Kiss on the first date: -
92. Angels: Yeah.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No.
95. Did you sing today?: Yeah.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: No.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: Before 2001.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: It would be stupid.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: -
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: You fail your maths if there are 100 questions.

Everywhere someone's getting over
Everybody cries
And sometimes you can still lose even if you really try
Talking about the dream
Like the dream is over
Talk like that
Won't get you nowhere
Everybody's trusting in the heart
Like the heart don't lie

And that's all that I need, yeah
Someone else to cling to, yeah
Someone I can lean on
Until I don't need to
Just stay all through the night
And in the morning let me down
Cause that's all that I need right now

Everywhere someone's getting over
Everybody's life is someone
People still use other people with a crooked smile
And all around the world there's a sinking feeling
Out there right now someone's feeling
Down on themselves and don't know why
Every night

And that's all that I need, yeah
Someone else to cling to, yeah
Someone I can lean on
Until I don't need to
Just stay all through the night, yeah
And in the morning let me down
Cause that's all that I need right now

And life ain't no beauty show
We don't know where tomorrow ends
And when we're sad
It's kind of a drag

Just stay all through the night
And in the morning let me down
Yeah, cause that's all that I need
Yeah, that's all that I need
Yeah, that's all that I need
That's all that I need right now
Right now

Now hush little baby don't you cry
Every thing's gonna be all right
Stiffin' that upper lip up little lady I told ya 
I'm here to hold ya through the night

Smile. =)

¡Viva la Gloria!

Hey Gloria, are you standing close to the edge 
Look out to the setting sun 
The brink of your vision 
Eternal youth is a landscape of the lie 
The cracks on my skin can prove 
As the years will testify 
Say your prayers and light a fire 
We're going to start a war 
Your slogans a gun for hire 
It’s what we waited for 
Hey Gloria, this is why we're on the edge 
The fight of our lives been drawn to this undying love. 

Gloria, viva la Gloria 
You blast your name in graffiti on the walls 
Falling through broken glass that’s 
Slashing through your spirit 
I can hear it like a jilted crowd 
Gloria, where are you Gloria? 
You found a home in all your scars and ammunition 
You made your bed in salad days amongst the ruin 
Ashes to ashes of our youth

She smashed her knuckles into winter 
As autumns wind fades into black 
Ahe is the saint on all the sinners 
The one that’s fallen through the cracks 
So don’t put away your burning light 

Gloria, where are you Gloria? 
Don’t lose your faith to your lost naivete 
Weather the storm and don’t look back on last November 
When your banners were burning down 

Gloria, viva la Gloria 
Send me your amnesty down to the broken hearted 
Bring us the season that we always will remember 
Don’t let the bonfires go out 

So Gloria, 
Send out your message of the light that shadows in the night. 
Gloria, where’s your undying love? 
Tell me your story of your life.

Of Sunshine And Rain

And you think that sunshine follows after a rain? Think again.

After all the circus that happened in Ipoh, the Rakyat finally rejoiced yesterday when the High Court ruled that Nizar is the rightful Menteri Besar of Perak. People began to see the silver-lining they have all been looking out for. Finally, public confidence in the independence of the Malaysian judiciary can be restored. Or so we thought.

Of course, we thought that the decision has already been made when Sivakumar was thrown out like a drunkard on Thursday and knowing how corrupted everything is; but all credits go to Justice Abdul Aziz Abd Rahim for his courage and fairness. However, today, all hopes were dashed when the Court of Appeal suddenly became ultra efficient and granted Zambry's application for stay through a single judge; Perak returns to square one. The Silver State is now in a greater impasse than it already is; from two Menteri Besar to practically none. What a limbo!  

How independent is the judiciary then? How much of justice and fairness can we expect from this present judiciary? I dare not say. I believe that ultimately, justice only prevails when power is returned to the Rakyat. Dissolve the State Legislative Assembly and let the people vote. No more of this constitutional crisis as to who is the legitimate Menteri Besar of Perak. But will the Sultan of Perak consent to the dissolution of the State Legislative Assembly this time? I dare not hope anymore. I dare not pre-rejoice as politics in Malaysia has proven that sunshines don't come after a rain.

The Conversation

Mr.B: Ya know sir, it's time we let them boys out by now. It's gettin' a lil' crowded in there.

Mr.C: Look, Mr.B, I told you. There's no place to let them out here, understand? I've looked.

Mr.B: Naye, sir. You've never gotten up from that seat of yours ever since ya sat down. I suggest we start gettin' up and go a-lookin'.

Mr.C: I said, I've looked! I saw people getting up, okay? Can you stop antangonising me man? Give me some space would you?

Mr.B: Alright, sir. Your wish is my command.

(A moment of awkward silence)

Mr.B: Say, sir. Don't you feel uncomfortable keepin' them boys in for so long?

Mr.C: Oh, for Pete's sake, Mr.B! Stop with the questions already! I'm not exactly having fun here if you will understand. But we've got no choice alright?

Mr.B: Them boys are gettin' more with time if you notice, sir.

Mr.C: Yes, I understand, Mr.B. I've done what I can to reduce their growth rate. Now, if you would just leave me alone for a moment, would you?

Mr.B: Alright, alright. Your call, sir. Totally.

(Another moment of awkward silence)

Mr.B: Say, sir. You wouldn't wanna push them boys to the limit. They might just break out in a revolt and embarass you, sir.

Mr.C: I'll be an old man for that to happen.

Mr.B: You will be one day, sir.

Mr.C: Would you just shut up? I'm young, strong, and healthy right now. And I have total control. There's nothing you can do about it so quit whining.

Mr.B: Not so much of me, sir. Them boys are doin' the whining. I'm just speakin' out for them.

Mr.C: Look, I'm the one taking the bumps and I'm the one keeping them in. What are your complains?

Mr.B: Ain't no complains sir. If you would just get up...

Mr.C: Oh, for the last time, Mr.B! I told you, this is an Economy Class! Can't you understand??

Mr.B: Alright, sir. Calm down. You wouldn't want them boys to spill out.

Mr.C: If you would just be a little more cooperative here, it would help alot.

Mr.B: How so, sir?

Mr.C: Just shut up, give me a peace of mind, and I'll let the boys out in a nice place when we reach later. You'd feel better and I'd feel better. How bout that?

Mr.B: Sounds good to me, sir. We ain't got no choice anyways as you put it.

(A last moment of awkward silence)

Mr.B: Don't blame me if I can't work one day and you have to let them boys out every ten minutes when you're 60, sir.

Try holding your piss for 3 hours on a train. You bladder would start talking to you too.

The 8-Questions Theory Expounded

SPOILERS AHEAD

As we all know, many Facebook addicts are hyped over the "How Well Do You Know XXX?" quiz. I got sucked into it as well; not of my own free will (in a way) as I never wish to be conformed to the majority. However, I did Chooi Yee's quiz and I scored badly; it can be justified though because her questions don't evaluate how much you really know a person. In the midst of our argument with each other, I challenged her and hey, presto!; a quiz of my own. I devised the quiz in such a way that all questions were scenario-based. For me, asking someone how many siblings I have is not a question that can evaluate how much the person knows about me. And so, I created a pure personality quiz; if Chooi Yee scores badly (which she did), I'd feel less guilty in a way.

Below were the 8 questions I ingeniously made (right answers are in italic and bold). Let's take a stroll through my park of questions and I'll justify the answers to your satisfaction (hey, it rhymes!?).

1) An old man/pregnant woman boards a packed LRT. I will

a) get up and willingly give up my seat.
b) joke and laugh about it with my friends.
c) be ignorant; what happens around me doesnt matter. 
d) avoid any eye contacts; lest i should feel guilty.
e) be ashamed of the selfish people around me.

Alright, many actually chose a) as the answer. Well, thank you for having such good perception of me but I tend to be apathetic to these little things. Call me heartless but hey, that's an honest evaluation of myself. I wouldn't give my seat up for the world especially in a packed LRT. There will always be this kind soul who would do it and that kind soul's just ain't me. I'm essentially selfish by nature, you see.

2) Given a choice, I will

a) be in the Mass Communications line.
b) be a film/movie director or scriptwriter.
c) be a full-time worker/missionary.
d) be in a rock band. 
e) still want to be an economist.

Well, many got this right; nothing much to dispute about. It's a tough call, personally, for me to choose the right answer myself but for those who chose a), yes, you're close. Missed by an inch I would say but music has always been my passion, if you don't know by now. If you chose e), WOAH, just so you know, I didn't exactly CHOOSE to do Economics in UM.  

3) It's my last day on earth. I will

a) approach the girl I like and confess to her.
b) eat all the good food I can.
c) travel around the world.
d) curse and swear because I never had enough fun.
e) love like never before. 

I know I curse alot but isn't d) abit ridiculous? Why, you guys must think I'm a foul-mouthed brat! Dude, if it's really my last day, I'd be repenting instead of doing something idiotic as said in d). I'm hedonistic by nature but if it's Ragnarok, I'd make sure it's well spent; NOT in self-indulgence. 

4) In my world, there are only two choices. I will prefer

a) cold over heat. 
b) solitude over people.
c) games over studies.
d) thirst over hunger.
e) girls over friends.

Again, I drowned myself in a sea of tough choices. Eventually, I concluded a) would most accurately define me. I'd rather die of cold than heat anytime man. Some chose b), some c). But well, as much as I enjoy solitude, people satisfy a different level altogether in my hierarchy of needs (Maslow's Theory). Admit it; we're all social creatures. The same goes for c). As much as I despise studying, it's essential to my future as person and therefore, it's not something I'd give up just because I love fun as much as I hate studying.   

5) I did something terribly wrong. I tend to

a) remain silent and hope no one notices.
b) stubbornly refuse to admit my mistake.
c) swallow my pride and apologise.
d) justify and reason from my perspective. 
e) be apathetic; everyone has differing views.

Now, I must say I feel a little flattered when most chose c) as the answer. Yes, at times I do, but being the egoist that I am, most of the time, I tend to justify and reason from my perspective. I have alot of pride but my pride comes with reason. 

6) I make a promise. Most of the time,

a) I'm a man of my word.
b) I fail to keep it.
c) I forget about it until someone reminds me.
d) I try not to. 
e) janji itu macam tahi. (Shin Chan)

Many believe that I'm a man of my word. Sadly, I failed myself and other people, on countless occassions. Now, I try as much as possible not to make any promises, even if I'm 90% sure that I'll keep it. But when I do, I'm a man of my word. 

7) It's always

a) inner beauty that attracts me first, then outer.
b) outer beauty that attracts me first, then inner. 
c) a combination of inner&outer beauty that matters.
d) the "feel" between two people that matters.
e) better to be single.

Haha, thanks guys. If I ever talked to you about girls before, this question is a bonus. No matter what you say about inner beauty over outer beauty, believe me; every guy goes for the outer beauty first. So what if you have great inner beauty but I can't even bear to look at you? Heck, I wouldn't even want to know you so how would I ever experience that inner beauty of yours? But when the outer beauty's okay, you'd soon find that the inner beauty enhances the outer beauty. An average looking person with inner beauty can be the most beautiful person. But the initial attraction will always be the outward appearance. This can go a long way; maybe we can have a drink over this issue. Members of the opposite sex are most welcomed. =D   

8) Politics (in Malaysia) is

a) a dirty, corrupted game.
b) hopeless.
c) a money game where the rich&powerful wins. 
d) something which doesn't concern me.
e) survival of the fittest.

No doubt politics is dirty and corrupted in Malaysia. Yes, it's even a matter of survival of the fittest. Eat or be eaten. A part of me is dead towards politics; hopeless for that matter. My consistent views though, are always in line with c). You can talk about change, you can start reformed movements, you can even win in elections. But in the end, it's always the rich and powerful who "wins". Justice is not always served the way we want it. Let us not lose heart, for the God of justice said, "Vengeance is mine. I will repay." Anyway, how can you people choose d)?? Yeah, I'm apathethic and ignorant in many respects but this? You must be kidding.

Phew. I beg your pardon for the length but I thought it best to expound on the reasons behind my seemingly inaccurate answers to the 8 questions I made. It's an honest evaluation of myself; I actually put myself in the particular situation and thought hard before deciding the right answer for each question. I hope I put you in a better light now, of the person that I am.

I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free

27th April 2009

It was the day of my freedom; I was released from the clutches that held me for 4 gruelling months. Overwhelmed by feelings of joy, we decided to hold a celebration to commemorate our release. Not forever but a temporal release from studying. It was decided that we all need to let out the grudges we bore within us against the system we live in. And so, karaoke was the solution.

How interesting was it? I would say it was 60-40. Let me justify myself with an elaborate explanation. It was 40% good because I felt so relieved after one week of suffering and toiling. It's this feeling you get, where you have no more worries in the world and you can just sit there, waste time and not feel guilty about it. No offence to my friends who were with me, 60% of the day was bad for me.

Three reasons. Firstly, I spent the night before singing and composing songs with my friends that I lost 70% of my voice the following day. Now, of course, who would enjoy a karaoke session without his full voice to abuse? Secondly, there were too many Mandarin songs sung. I don't understand and I can't read Mandarin. And there's this thing with Mandarin songs; almost 90% of the time, they have this similar rhythm, tune, and flow. Heck, even the MVs were the same! Almost every MV you have this guy and girl kissing or rolling on the bed. I guess to the Chinese, songs are all about love and relationships. Yes, karaoke's not the place for me to appreciate true music but nevertheless, I always have this tendency in me to evaluate a song's musical value.

I was being a couch potato and staring blankly at the screen when I asked myself, "What's the date today?" I realised it was 27th April 2009. I stopped; my heart sank. It was Dad's birthday the previous day. Somehow, I didn't remember. The person who has done so much for me and loved me like no one ever has is now but a memory.

I sat there, feeling disappointed. I didn't want to forget, yet I did. My feelings changed. Apart from being tired, sorrow consumed me. Memories flooded my mind. Birthdays were special to Dad. He had his own trademarked ways of celebrating birthdays in the family. Go away; don't bother me. What good are memories when the person is not around anymore? It just kills me a little more inside everytime this happens.

27th April 2009. Yes, I finally got my freedom. But I never had freedom from my memories.

It hurts. It still hurts.

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Luther Vandross - Dance With My Father Again

Back when I was a child 
Before life removed all the innocence 
My father would lift me high 
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep 
Then up the stairs he would carry me 
And I knew for sure 
I was loved

If I could get another chance 
Another walk, another dance with him 
I'd play a song that would never, ever end 
How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree 
To get my way I would run from her to him 
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah 
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep 
He left a dollar under my sheet 
Never dreamed that he 
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance 
One final step, one final dance with him 
I'd play a song that would never, ever end 
Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door 
And I'd hear her, mama cryin' for him 
I pray for her even more than me 
I pray for her even more than me

I know I'm prayin' for much too much 
But could You send back the only man she loved 
I know You don't do it usually 
But Lord, she's dyin' to dance with my father again 
Every night I fall asleep 
And this is all I ever dream

Passive Manipulation

 My last paper for this semester is in 2 hours. Don't be misunderstood; I did not wake up early just to do some last minute revision. In fact, I did not sleep. Lately, I have been having some conversations concerning the Christian life with one of my friends. As the 3 of us sat at Sahur yesterday, again, we were at topics which revolved around this.

To be honest, I'm no saint. To be honest, I'm a sinner. And maybe one worse than most of you out there. During my early secondary years, I mixed with a group of "heavy" Cantonese speaking friends. It was those years that I was a foul-mouthed little brat with a very enhanced and comprehensive vocabulary of vulgar words. As I grew up, my conscience prompted me to stop. I did in a way. I no longer use explicit foul words but retained milder forms of them such as "bitch", "asshole", and those within the same category. For me, it was, "Hey, as long as I don't use Cantonese bad words or the F-word, I'm justified." And so, developed a self-righteous theory which I lived with for years.

We all want to be Christians the easy way. We all want to be good Christians but retain some sins in certain respects of our lives. I give in a little, I compromise Christianity a little, and we have what I term a comfortable contract of living. Until now, I never realised I was setting double standards in my Christian life. Consider sin. What categories exist? Is murder any heavier a sin than theft? Is adultery much greater a sin than pornography? The truth is, categories don't exist. You don't measure sin. You don't compare one sin's sinfulness with another. Even we, sinners, are equal in the eyes of God. So, what makes one sin different from another? Going back to the issue, what makes one bad word less explicit than the other? What makes "bitch" a less vulgar word than "fuck"? At this point, I'm disheartened because I'm self-righteous. I'm an unworthy sinner. I'm a hypocrite.

It's this. Something happened of late. I witnessed how blasphemous and vulgar a Christian can get. In my somewhat mixed feelings of humour and disapproval at what I saw, I became disgusted with myself. Even though I was a witness, I couldn't bring myself to correct my fellow brethren. How can I remove the speck which is in my brother's eyes when I fail to see the log in my own? God reminded and I made a decision. I will to break down the distinction I set between vulgar words of seemingly varying "degrees". I will to remove self-justifying double standards in my life. I will to be a lesser hypocrite than I already am.

This tends to be a trivial issue to many. In fact, some couldn't care less. My friend argued and told me it doesn't matter because it's just a form of expressing himself when he's agitated or frustrated. He told me it doesn't matter because he didn't mean those things he utters. It was nothing but mere statements of exclamation. But out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. How can we with the same mouth bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God? Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree bear olive, or a grapevine bear figs?

Yes, many may further argue that vulgar words are defined by culture. No matter how you look at it, certain words will always be vulgar words, regardless of the etymology of the word or its exact purpose, meaning, or intent. So why should I bother? In essence, it's not that wrong after all. "Fuck" is just another word for having sex. It's culture that defines it as uncouth, as vulgar. I couldn't care less about what people think as long as I know I'm right. But my brethren, we are called to be imitators of Christ. We are His walking and living testimonies. It shouldn't be so but people judge Christianity by Christians, not by the faith itself. As ugly as it may sound, we Christians are living under scrutiny. We cannot do what the society deems as morally wrong, unacceptable, or in a more generic term, sin; even if it means sacrificing some of our pleasures and earthly contentment. And only he who is stronger can give in to the weaker. May we be less, and let Christ be more, that people will see and believe. 

My Sister, Cheryl

Folks, click on the image to view the conversation in enlarged mode.

As promised, sis. =)

P/S: Oh, just in case some of you don't get it, Damansara Perdana's where my sister stays in KL and of course, Pasir Puteh's our hometown in Ipoh. She's the first person I know who doesn't know dp stands for display picture. LOL.

Dear Mr.W,

Grace and peace be to you in abundance! I bring forth rather unpleasant tidings as I stand before you today to speak on behalf of my people and me concerning a grave matter. I am not of the complaining type but it has been getting unbearable of late. I understand from my trustworthy sources that you are going through a rather rough patch lately but I myself am going through pretty tough times as well. Just for your records, it is hard to live in a harmonious relationship with you when your emotions fluctuate between two extremes. In the highly probable event that you disagree, I would like to quote an experience of my own for your kind reference. I believe today is a fairly precise example.

On a beautiful Sunday morning like today, it was cloudy. In fact, it started to rain in the eleventh hour of the day. I presume that it was due to your getting up off the wrong side of the bed. In utmost due respect and blunt honesty, I would prefer you to always get up off the wrong side because I have a personal distaste towards heat. However, as the day progressed, you felt better, again I presuppose. And so much better that eventually, the lovely day turned into naught but heatwave! Just in case you do not know, it is like living in a microwave; save the existence of a timer that indicates when the heat stops.

Being the helpless little creatures without much control that we are is the reason why I wrote this letter of appeal to you; to see if you may so willingly do something about this. But of course, considering that you are always subjected to Mr.E's conditions, we being the stewards of Mr.E, are in fact indirectly in control of the situation. This can be proven through a display of lengthy, algebraic mathemathical equations but I do not consider this course of action necessary as space and time consumption are two limiting factors that disallow me to thoroughly expound my theory. Referring back to the said issue, unfortunately, the joint effort of stewardship between man and man is known to be an irredeemable failed cause. This is precisely why this letter has to be submitted.

Therefore, in light of our plight, may you be so kind, Mr.W, as to show a little grace on your humble subjects by seeing to this issue and taking the appropriate measures of concern. This will definitely help erase the growing doubts among my people that you have become apathetic towards man and prevent our man-weather relationship from further breaking down. In the event that you fail to sympathise and emphatise with us, we will continue to pursue justice in a persistent manner. For even the unjust judge avenged the widow because of her persistency.

On a final note, in the event even our sincere persistency fail to penetrate your iron coated heart of ice, we will resort to more drastic means and violent measures to achieve our good intentions.

Sweating under shower,

Mr.C.