Monday, April 20, 2009

Dear Mr.W,

Grace and peace be to you in abundance! I bring forth rather unpleasant tidings as I stand before you today to speak on behalf of my people and me concerning a grave matter. I am not of the complaining type but it has been getting unbearable of late. I understand from my trustworthy sources that you are going through a rather rough patch lately but I myself am going through pretty tough times as well. Just for your records, it is hard to live in a harmonious relationship with you when your emotions fluctuate between two extremes. In the highly probable event that you disagree, I would like to quote an experience of my own for your kind reference. I believe today is a fairly precise example.

On a beautiful Sunday morning like today, it was cloudy. In fact, it started to rain in the eleventh hour of the day. I presume that it was due to your getting up off the wrong side of the bed. In utmost due respect and blunt honesty, I would prefer you to always get up off the wrong side because I have a personal distaste towards heat. However, as the day progressed, you felt better, again I presuppose. And so much better that eventually, the lovely day turned into naught but heatwave! Just in case you do not know, it is like living in a microwave; save the existence of a timer that indicates when the heat stops.

Being the helpless little creatures without much control that we are is the reason why I wrote this letter of appeal to you; to see if you may so willingly do something about this. But of course, considering that you are always subjected to Mr.E's conditions, we being the stewards of Mr.E, are in fact indirectly in control of the situation. This can be proven through a display of lengthy, algebraic mathemathical equations but I do not consider this course of action necessary as space and time consumption are two limiting factors that disallow me to thoroughly expound my theory. Referring back to the said issue, unfortunately, the joint effort of stewardship between man and man is known to be an irredeemable failed cause. This is precisely why this letter has to be submitted.

Therefore, in light of our plight, may you be so kind, Mr.W, as to show a little grace on your humble subjects by seeing to this issue and taking the appropriate measures of concern. This will definitely help erase the growing doubts among my people that you have become apathetic towards man and prevent our man-weather relationship from further breaking down. In the event that you fail to sympathise and emphatise with us, we will continue to pursue justice in a persistent manner. For even the unjust judge avenged the widow because of her persistency.

On a final note, in the event even our sincere persistency fail to penetrate your iron coated heart of ice, we will resort to more drastic means and violent measures to achieve our good intentions.

Sweating under shower,


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