The Cock And Bull Story

Another piece of nonsense at 5am.

Let us join hands with WWF ( World Wide Fund for Nature ) in their conservation, research, and restoration efforts for the natural environment.

How?

Firstly, let me make the assumption that all of us, at one point or another in our lives, use words that are inappropriate. Here's a solution for those who find it hard to tame their tongue.

I shall began.

This would be a tutorial on how to lessen the use of foul language and at the same time, do something for the earth, by promoting animals. Let me assume for instance, you're in an angry state due to an untrue statement your friend made about you. I would again assume that at that point, one would be tempted to say "What the F**K?" If you identify yourself in this situation, I would suggest you replace that crude word with the name of an animal. The classic would be, "What the FISH?" or "What the FOX?" or "What the FROG?" That way, not only are we able to stop ourselves from saying something BAD but at the same time, promote love for cute animals dying of extinction.

On to something milder.

For instance, you made a silly mistake. I would make the assumption that at that point, one's natural mouth reflexes would be to use the word "Shit". Well, to every problem, there is a solution. For this particular word, it can well be replaced by the word "Shrimp". Now let's take a look at a scenario. You're walking down the road when a car runs into you. In that state of agony and pain, you would still be able to curse before you die. Think about it for a second, if in that situation, you said "Oh, SHRIMP!" instead of "Oh, SHIT!" before you die. How many lives of shrimps would you have saved even though you lose yours? Now, that's the spirit of a martyr.

More controversial words.

In my professional opinion, the usage of the word "Bitch" should be encouraged BUT its usage should only be limited to reference of the male gender. This is because it would be rude, it would be crude, to refer to a lady as a "Bitch". Not only is it degrading, it's denigrating in nature. Therefore, the usage of this word should only be encouraged among the male gender as it does no harm to anyone. Instead, it would promote the love for female dogs, as they are often unwanted after giving birth. Now I would definitely disagree with the usage of the word "Bastard". So, the next time your stupid friend comes round and irritate you, call him a "Beaver" instead. This would definitely annoy him as you put him on the same level as an animal and at the same time, remind people around of the cute little beavers dying of extinction in the North-Pole.

Almost to the end.

For no particular reason, you may be tempted to say "Bloody Hell!" to someone or at something. Again, I would suggest that these words be replaced with "Birdy Hen". So, the next time after you watch a game where Tottenham thrash Manchester United 6-0, you can now say, "Birdy Hen, that game was fantastic!". Ah, wouldn't it be nice to savour your favourite team's victory over a dumb, lame club and yet not use BAD words?

The final part.

We have often heard of words like "Slut", "Whore", and "Prostitute" being used by rough, insensitive people. We, being the good citizens of earth, should always figure a way to turn the negative into something positive. For this trilogy of words, I would suggest that each be replaced by "Sloth", "Whale", and "Platypus" respectively. Wouldn't it be sweet if you tell someone "You're a SLOTH!" or "You're a WHALE!" or "You're a PLATYPUS!" ? And last but not least, the infamous Indian bad word "PUNDEK" can now be officially replaced by the word "PANDA" in moments your wrath could not be subdued, or in moments that you just feel like cursing for nothing. That way, our poor panda brothers in Taiwan can rest in peace.

It's 5.43 am. I should have slept.

"Fight for animal rights for they will be the leaders of tomorrow."
Albert Einstein