The Chronicles Of Wadeland: The Hedonistic Wades

It is with much sadness and grief that this epic tale is recalled. This happened before Wadeboyboy's betrayal of Wadeland, leaving for greener pastures, to another land faraway.

It was a cool night, the skies were starry with a full moon beaming overhead. 4 Wades got together for a bachelor's night out. Wadeboyboy drove his red Ferrari and picked the remaining 3 Wades up. Little did they know, it was going to be one wild night.

The following part of the tale will be recalled in dialogues.

Wadefish: Bro, where we going lah?

Wadeboyboy: I know good places around here. We can have some "fun". *evil grin*

Wadecool: What??? I'm scared lah, I'm underage. LOL. Jk.

Wadefrog: Eh, let's not go back tonight lah. We go overnight at Wadeboyboy's house.

Wadeboyboy: Cannot la bro... You see... (blah blah and gives stupid, lame excuses).

Wadefish: Wth man, I have to be back early then. We can't have a wild night. Or my mom will butcher me.

Wadeboyboy: Hmm... kla... Er, I think you guys can overnight at my place lah...

Wadefish: Deng!! Stupid la!! I packed my stuff edi but just now you say cannot I didn't bring. What am I gonna wear??

Wadefrog: Pinjam Wadeboyboy's lah...

Wadefish: Cannot lah... His one too small edi. LOL.

Wadecool: Eh, I found this good place with Wadeboyboy that day... near the bus station.. (goes into whispers).

And so, the night began. In preparation for stimulative activities later on, the Wades ate 6677 at a stall by the roadside. After filling up their blackholes, they proceeded to slay zombies for some warming up action. Then, they got on with the real deal.

Wadeboyboy rounded the streets of Yang Kalsom. Shadows lurking in dark corners could be seen beneath the shoplots. That was the prize. The fabled aquas. They were beautiful. Wadeboyboy pulled his bright red Ferrari up right next to the women. And so, the Wades were ensued in long, dirty talks with the aquas. One or two even recognised Wadeboyboy as their regular customer and asked:

Aqua: Ehh, you. Kenapa sudah sombong sekarang?

It was a breathtaking experience as the Wades even had minimal (I stress this word) contact with the aquas. A few hours later, the Wades felt no more steam in what they were doing. They decided it was enough for one night. Wadecool though, didn't seem to get enough. However, after much dispute and disagreement, they settled for beers in Polo Ground; with the exception of Wadefrog, who felt Coke alone could get him drunk.

It was about 5 in the morning. Morning joggers, mostly old folks, stared at the Wades who seemed to be drunk by now (but perfectly conscious). And they gave not a few looks of disgust at these seemingly troubled youth. Little did they know, the Wades are well disciplined, God-loving citizens of Wadeland. What's more, they couldn't recognise Wadefish, the founder of Wadeland, in that dim glow...

After settling the beers, the Wades decided to vanquish the whisperings and stares of the old folks once and for all. So, they threw the beer bottles high and far up in the air (Wadeboyboy had a very bad throw; almost killing himself and the other Wades). Upon touching ground, the bottles smashed to pieces; the piercing sound of glass shattering broke through the night. The joggers jogged faster, murmurings ceased, for fear of their lives. The Wades could not help but laugh at the sight of the scurrying dogs, for they meant no harm at all.

The Wades, guilt conscious of threatening the old folks, decided to redeem their Wade-sin by doing something which they would never do under normal circumstances. And so, the wild night ended with a mild activity. The Wades ate dim sum; the favourite sport for old folks after a good morning jog!

To be continued...

The Chronicles of Wadeland: His Story

Once upon a time in a land unbeknownst to man, lived a breathtakingly beautiful Wade. His name is Wadefish. He was the only creature in the land that has sense, enough at least to cover the entire Wade population. Now, I believe you may be asking questions as such: What is a Wade? In a coconutshell, a Wade is basically a creature that exists. Therefore, a Mathematical equation will be as such:

Wade = Existence

Therefore, none can truly say, "Look, bro. I'm no Wade. I don't belong to your stupid story.", because etched deeply inside everyone one of us, is a Wade. Now, that brings us to the next question, which would simply be: What Wade am I then? I, for one, do not yet know exactly the nature which determines one's Wade, but all I can say is, it's pretty much up to the Fish.

Back to the story.

Now, one fine and bright morning, Wadefish was taking a stroll along the river when he noticed aimless Wades sitting around the banks of the river. They were not doing anything at all; and if you know the exact definition of doing nothing, you'd pretty much get the idea that these Wades were as good as dead. Wadefish, overwhelmed with compassion for these helpless, useless Wades, immediately decided to do something. And so, he formed the Wade Clan, recruited all these Wades, and called each one of them by name. His purpose was to give them an aim in life, something which they can live and die for. And the land which they dwelt in was given the name - Wadeland.

To be continued...

Why Am I Only Able To Write Blog Posts When It's In The Odd Hours Of The Beautiful Morning.

There are two reasons why I can only blog when it's 4.00 a.m. in the morning.

a) I am nocturnal. I am inspired by the morning air.

b) Due to the extremely advanced WIFI technology of my beloved UM, the connection is only stable during this hour of the day.

Well, there is no clear objective or motive to this post. I am just floating about. So, if half-way down this post, you feel that it is not making sense, or worth reading, stop reading, and blame it on the morning air.

First of all, one of the urgent issues I would like to address would be the "Wadefish" issue. Around April this year, I gave birth to a monster named "Wadefish". From that moment onwards, "Wadefish" was seen everywhere, from Garena to MSN. What really was the problem was this. Nobody could understand nor pronounce the name properly without asking me an explanation. And so, what I get is people calling me wade ( the act of walking through water or mud ) -fish. Also, I have a friend who calls me waterfish, which, literally translated to Cantonese, would be sui yue, which would mean "scapegoat" in English. Confusing, yes, but the point is this. I need to clarify this so people would stop asking the same question so many times that it plots an exponential graph.

Before I proceed, there are 3 options you can choose to go from here.

a) If you're an overly free person, read this. If you're not mentally challenged in any way, and you're able to read and think like a normal human being, I believe this post would clear the air on the etymology of "Wadefish" and the right pronounciation that comes with it. Then, after reading, you can resume playing Who Has The Biggest Brains in Facebook, or resume nudging people in MSN, and need not continue reading this post, which by now, you would have found it to be rather stupid.

b) If you're an overly busy person, but so happened to be here because you love me alot and you're concern with what's latest in my blog, but you just don't have the time to read an old post which after reading you will find that it doesn't make sense, scroll down and you will find a summary which obviously functions to sum everything up, from the etymology of "Wadefish" to the right pronounciation of it.

c) If you're crazy and you know it, do all the above. *ClapClap*


Wadefish - The Etymology
The origins of the word came during enlightenment which I achieved when I spent my time meditating on how to make the world a better place for you and me to live in, and how to promote a cause in the world and improve the moral standards of humans at the same time. The moment of revelation created this urge to lessen the usage of words considered foul, rude, rough, uncouth, discriminating and denigrating in nature and at the same time, promote the noble cause of conserving animals, working with WWF ( World Wide Fund for Nature ) in achieving this purpose.

But how can this be done? As everyone knows, the act of killing two birds with one stone is logically impossible. And English came up with this illogical metaphor just to sound impressive, but then again, it illustrates the point to the point ( no pun intended ). And so, together with the board of directors, we brain-stormed for, well, quite some time I would say ( I don't want to exaggerate it so that this would sound real ) before we eventually came up with a brilliant idea on how to pull this off. The idea was to have people around the world to participate in a conscious effort to distort words deemed "unholy" by replacing them with names of animals facing the dangers of extinction.

I chose to distort the classic, most notorious, and the mother of all "unholy" words. Now, I can barely remember what "What The F*ck" is, for "What The Fish" has completely dominated the war I wage against the terrorism of words. And so, after a little adaptation, some adjustment, and a few touch-ups, "What The Fish" evolved into the now famous but often misconstrued and mispronounced "Wadefish".


There. That's a little too long for a summary, but I guess I'll have it. Why did I start the post with "First of all" when there is no "Secondly" following? Why did I say "one of the urgent issues" when there are no other issues I wish to address in this post? And why did I even mention that there is "no clear objective or motive to this post" when obviously I made a contradicting statement in saying that I wish to clarify the "Wadefish" issue in this post? Lastly, "I am nocturnal. I am inspired by the morning air" is a paradox, I just noticed. Now, that's what we call TRIVIA, baby!

And, voila! Another masterpiece creates herself in the wee hours of the day.

I never could have written this any other time of the day.

The Cock And Bull Story

Another piece of nonsense at 5am.

Let us join hands with WWF ( World Wide Fund for Nature ) in their conservation, research, and restoration efforts for the natural environment.

How?

Firstly, let me make the assumption that all of us, at one point or another in our lives, use words that are inappropriate. Here's a solution for those who find it hard to tame their tongue.

I shall began.

This would be a tutorial on how to lessen the use of foul language and at the same time, do something for the earth, by promoting animals. Let me assume for instance, you're in an angry state due to an untrue statement your friend made about you. I would again assume that at that point, one would be tempted to say "What the F**K?" If you identify yourself in this situation, I would suggest you replace that crude word with the name of an animal. The classic would be, "What the FISH?" or "What the FOX?" or "What the FROG?" That way, not only are we able to stop ourselves from saying something BAD but at the same time, promote love for cute animals dying of extinction.

On to something milder.

For instance, you made a silly mistake. I would make the assumption that at that point, one's natural mouth reflexes would be to use the word "Shit". Well, to every problem, there is a solution. For this particular word, it can well be replaced by the word "Shrimp". Now let's take a look at a scenario. You're walking down the road when a car runs into you. In that state of agony and pain, you would still be able to curse before you die. Think about it for a second, if in that situation, you said "Oh, SHRIMP!" instead of "Oh, SHIT!" before you die. How many lives of shrimps would you have saved even though you lose yours? Now, that's the spirit of a martyr.

More controversial words.

In my professional opinion, the usage of the word "Bitch" should be encouraged BUT its usage should only be limited to reference of the male gender. This is because it would be rude, it would be crude, to refer to a lady as a "Bitch". Not only is it degrading, it's denigrating in nature. Therefore, the usage of this word should only be encouraged among the male gender as it does no harm to anyone. Instead, it would promote the love for female dogs, as they are often unwanted after giving birth. Now I would definitely disagree with the usage of the word "Bastard". So, the next time your stupid friend comes round and irritate you, call him a "Beaver" instead. This would definitely annoy him as you put him on the same level as an animal and at the same time, remind people around of the cute little beavers dying of extinction in the North-Pole.

Almost to the end.

For no particular reason, you may be tempted to say "Bloody Hell!" to someone or at something. Again, I would suggest that these words be replaced with "Birdy Hen". So, the next time after you watch a game where Tottenham thrash Manchester United 6-0, you can now say, "Birdy Hen, that game was fantastic!". Ah, wouldn't it be nice to savour your favourite team's victory over a dumb, lame club and yet not use BAD words?

The final part.

We have often heard of words like "Slut", "Whore", and "Prostitute" being used by rough, insensitive people. We, being the good citizens of earth, should always figure a way to turn the negative into something positive. For this trilogy of words, I would suggest that each be replaced by "Sloth", "Whale", and "Platypus" respectively. Wouldn't it be sweet if you tell someone "You're a SLOTH!" or "You're a WHALE!" or "You're a PLATYPUS!" ? And last but not least, the infamous Indian bad word "PUNDEK" can now be officially replaced by the word "PANDA" in moments your wrath could not be subdued, or in moments that you just feel like cursing for nothing. That way, our poor panda brothers in Taiwan can rest in peace.

It's 5.43 am. I should have slept.

"Fight for animal rights for they will be the leaders of tomorrow."
Albert Einstein