I have so randomed-thoughts in my mind that I do not know how to begin.
Today, I realised I am not special.
Not unique, not exceptional, not remarkable.
Not gifted, not talented, not wanted.
Today, I don't feel belonged.
Today, I don't feel loved.
Today, I realised I am nobody.
I have always felt the opposite about myself; maybe partly due to the comfort zone I was in, the people I was around; who made me feel special, made me feel that I am someone. People who affirmed me, who let me know I can do great things.
Today, I thought and I realised, I am nothing. What I thought I was good at, there are always people out there who are better. I am alone; I lack the support I get from you guys back at home.
I am common.
I am just a speck in the world.
An insignificant speck.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
In social animals, the alpha male is the individual in the community to whom the others follow and defer. In some groups, the alpha males are overrepresented in the genetics of a population if they are the only ones who breed successfully.
Chimpanzees show deference to the alpha of the community by ritualised gestures such as bowing, allowing the alpha to walk first in a procession, or standing aside when the alpha challenges. Canines also show deference to the alpha in their pack, by allowing them to be the first to eat.
The status of the alpha is generally achieved by means of superior physical prowess; however, in certain highly social species such as the bonobo and humans, a contender can use more indirect methods, such as political alliances, to oust the ruling alpha and take his place.
Courtesy of Wikipedia.
Chimpanzees show deference to the alpha of the community by ritualised gestures such as bowing, allowing the alpha to walk first in a procession, or standing aside when the alpha challenges. Canines also show deference to the alpha in their pack, by allowing them to be the first to eat.
The status of the alpha is generally achieved by means of superior physical prowess; however, in certain highly social species such as the bonobo and humans, a contender can use more indirect methods, such as political alliances, to oust the ruling alpha and take his place.
Courtesy of Wikipedia.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Bedshaped
An overview of the beautiful room I currently reside in.
E316.
The humble abode.
The rest.
The locker.
The desk.
The air-cond.
The hermit.
There. Sorry for the low quality photos. All taken with my laptop's integrated webcam.
E316.
The humble abode.
The rest.
The locker.
The desk.
The air-cond.
The hermit.
There. Sorry for the low quality photos. All taken with my laptop's integrated webcam.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
A World Of Thoughts
I am no orator.
How I long to verbalize my thoughts.
Often I find myself thinking, but always unable to turn thoughts into spoken words. I can only pen them down; how I wish I have the gift of an orator.
Indeed, I am an unintelligible teacher.
Unable to cope with verbal communication, I am left trapped in a world of ideas. Many may disagree with this statement, but free yourself from delusion; for I only impress with meaningless words.
I want to speak with substance. I want to make myself heard; not in the same manner anymore.
I want to speak with the mind.
The ideal state is a state ruled by philosophers.
How I long to verbalize my thoughts.
Often I find myself thinking, but always unable to turn thoughts into spoken words. I can only pen them down; how I wish I have the gift of an orator.
Indeed, I am an unintelligible teacher.
Unable to cope with verbal communication, I am left trapped in a world of ideas. Many may disagree with this statement, but free yourself from delusion; for I only impress with meaningless words.
I want to speak with substance. I want to make myself heard; not in the same manner anymore.
I want to speak with the mind.
The ideal state is a state ruled by philosophers.
Monday, July 07, 2008
From UM With Love
Dear all,
It's been one of the longest weeks in my life, but nevertheless, I survived the orientation.
Everything's fine here, the room's okay, my roomies are alright, and basically, I met many new friends. Language is a problem though because I don't speak Mandarin. Guess I have to adapt. Food's edible, though at times I have to swallow them. The orientation week sucks big time. I guess some people just don't grow up. But it's OVER. And life begins.
Bad news for the week as my grandmother had a stroke. She's stable now, but still under observation. Prayers are needed, thank you.
Have been nourishing myself with food and sleep after one week of "torture". Went to gramps and bro took me around abit for the food debt I owe my stomach. And when I say torture, please don't have in mind any kinds of Nazi-style punishment or the like. The torture in my case is more inclined towards mental torture, where they try to kill you with boredom.
Enough said bout the negatives. UM is a good place, with lots of monkey. We practically saw a live invasion by one of the monkeys into a room. Economics faculty is about 10-15 minutes walk everyday, so I guess I'll be fitter with time. And not forgetting, the babes =) Yea, don't be jealous. The population of male and female in my college is by a ratio of 1:3. HAHA. =) My timetable's cool too. Quite relaxed everyday, just a few hours of lecture and tutorial. On Fridays, the class is till 10 a.m., so it will be convenient for me to go back to Ipoh.
Oh well, I'm onlining using one of my newly met friend's friend's account. Still waiting for approval for my registration. Will be done in about a week, hopefully. These are some updates.
With love,
Clarence
It's been one of the longest weeks in my life, but nevertheless, I survived the orientation.
Everything's fine here, the room's okay, my roomies are alright, and basically, I met many new friends. Language is a problem though because I don't speak Mandarin. Guess I have to adapt. Food's edible, though at times I have to swallow them. The orientation week sucks big time. I guess some people just don't grow up. But it's OVER. And life begins.
Bad news for the week as my grandmother had a stroke. She's stable now, but still under observation. Prayers are needed, thank you.
Have been nourishing myself with food and sleep after one week of "torture". Went to gramps and bro took me around abit for the food debt I owe my stomach. And when I say torture, please don't have in mind any kinds of Nazi-style punishment or the like. The torture in my case is more inclined towards mental torture, where they try to kill you with boredom.
Enough said bout the negatives. UM is a good place, with lots of monkey. We practically saw a live invasion by one of the monkeys into a room. Economics faculty is about 10-15 minutes walk everyday, so I guess I'll be fitter with time. And not forgetting, the babes =) Yea, don't be jealous. The population of male and female in my college is by a ratio of 1:3. HAHA. =) My timetable's cool too. Quite relaxed everyday, just a few hours of lecture and tutorial. On Fridays, the class is till 10 a.m., so it will be convenient for me to go back to Ipoh.
Oh well, I'm onlining using one of my newly met friend's friend's account. Still waiting for approval for my registration. Will be done in about a week, hopefully. These are some updates.
With love,
Clarence
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