The Barter System

Barter is a type of trade in which goods or services are directly exchanged for other goods and/or services, without the use of money.


I'll trade my...

1) guitar skills for better drumming skills.

2) drumming skills for better vocals.

3) DotA skills for better 02jam skills.

4) 02jam skills for better Guitar Hero skills.

5) football skills for rugby skills.

6) ping pong skills for tennis skills.

7) sports abilities for the ability to dance.
 
8) agility for flexibility.

9) curly hair for corn-row, mohawk, or an afro.

10) brown eyes for bigger eyes.

11) tanned skin for some height.

12) 26GB of music for lessons with rock legends.

13) acoustic for an electric.

14) HP laptop for a high-end desktop.

15) Samsung U600 for an iPhone.

16) Converse shoes for two pairs of 'em.

17) F30 Adidas boots for a trip to White Hart Lane.

18) close friends for dad.

19) mom's love for me for more of my love for her.

20) girlfriend for my own band.

21) dog Sasha for a fat Persian cat.

22) 3rd semester for my family trip to UK.

23) academic success for knowledge.

24) ability to argue for a better listening ear.

25) ability to talk nonsense for the gift of an orator.

26) ability to write for longer attention span.

27) ability to know for the ability to do.

28) ability to stay awake for some decent sleep.

29) materialism for spirituality.

30) life for an eternal one.


Just needed to get away from the real life for abit.

Cheers.

Who Am I?

I looked in the mirror,
A reflection I see.
But things don't get clearer,
When who I seek is me.

Sometimes I wonder,
What lies beneath this facade?
If it was torn asunder,
Of whose image I am made?

'Tis a thinly veiled life,
When behind masks we hide.
But if only we were to realise,
That every face is far too wide.

Who am I?
I do not know.
This question,
Upon myself I bestow.

Hence, I searched high and low,
For more than a name or so.
And in that searching I found,
Something greater far is bound.

Who am I?
I still do not know.
But in confidence now, I can boast;
I am Yours.

1750. 240309. Fish.

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Casting Crowns - Who Am I

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

The Chronicles Of Wadeland: The Hedonistic Wades

It is with much sadness and grief that this epic tale is recalled. This happened before Wadeboyboy's betrayal of Wadeland, leaving for greener pastures, to another land faraway.

It was a cool night, the skies were starry with a full moon beaming overhead. 4 Wades got together for a bachelor's night out. Wadeboyboy drove his red Ferrari and picked the remaining 3 Wades up. Little did they know, it was going to be one wild night.

The following part of the tale will be recalled in dialogues.

Wadefish: Bro, where we going lah?

Wadeboyboy: I know good places around here. We can have some "fun". *evil grin*

Wadecool: What??? I'm scared lah, I'm underage. LOL. Jk.

Wadefrog: Eh, let's not go back tonight lah. We go overnight at Wadeboyboy's house.

Wadeboyboy: Cannot la bro... You see... (blah blah and gives stupid, lame excuses).

Wadefish: Wth man, I have to be back early then. We can't have a wild night. Or my mom will butcher me.

Wadeboyboy: Hmm... kla... Er, I think you guys can overnight at my place lah...

Wadefish: Deng!! Stupid la!! I packed my stuff edi but just now you say cannot I didn't bring. What am I gonna wear??

Wadefrog: Pinjam Wadeboyboy's lah...

Wadefish: Cannot lah... His one too small edi. LOL.

Wadecool: Eh, I found this good place with Wadeboyboy that day... near the bus station.. (goes into whispers).

And so, the night began. In preparation for stimulative activities later on, the Wades ate 6677 at a stall by the roadside. After filling up their blackholes, they proceeded to slay zombies for some warming up action. Then, they got on with the real deal.

Wadeboyboy rounded the streets of Yang Kalsom. Shadows lurking in dark corners could be seen beneath the shoplots. That was the prize. The fabled aquas. They were beautiful. Wadeboyboy pulled his bright red Ferrari up right next to the women. And so, the Wades were ensued in long, dirty talks with the aquas. One or two even recognised Wadeboyboy as their regular customer and asked:

Aqua: Ehh, you. Kenapa sudah sombong sekarang?

It was a breathtaking experience as the Wades even had minimal (I stress this word) contact with the aquas. A few hours later, the Wades felt no more steam in what they were doing. They decided it was enough for one night. Wadecool though, didn't seem to get enough. However, after much dispute and disagreement, they settled for beers in Polo Ground; with the exception of Wadefrog, who felt Coke alone could get him drunk.

It was about 5 in the morning. Morning joggers, mostly old folks, stared at the Wades who seemed to be drunk by now (but perfectly conscious). And they gave not a few looks of disgust at these seemingly troubled youth. Little did they know, the Wades are well disciplined, God-loving citizens of Wadeland. What's more, they couldn't recognise Wadefish, the founder of Wadeland, in that dim glow...

After settling the beers, the Wades decided to vanquish the whisperings and stares of the old folks once and for all. So, they threw the beer bottles high and far up in the air (Wadeboyboy had a very bad throw; almost killing himself and the other Wades). Upon touching ground, the bottles smashed to pieces; the piercing sound of glass shattering broke through the night. The joggers jogged faster, murmurings ceased, for fear of their lives. The Wades could not help but laugh at the sight of the scurrying dogs, for they meant no harm at all.

The Wades, guilt conscious of threatening the old folks, decided to redeem their Wade-sin by doing something which they would never do under normal circumstances. And so, the wild night ended with a mild activity. The Wades ate dim sum; the favourite sport for old folks after a good morning jog!

To be continued...

Rorschach's Journal

I beg your pardon, I don't mean to blog with such consistency. But after an encounter with Rorschach in Watchmen, I felt compelled to write. Such truth in Rorschach's words; they were in line with the thoughts in the book "Satan & The Problem Of Evil", which I'm currently studying.

For some, the movie Watchmen was a total waste of time. I, personally, felt it was a good movie, excluding the gore as I'm no fan of extreme violence. It was a little draggy, and certain parts were illogical if you were to reason, but hey, it's a movie after all, right? The music was also fantastic. The movie opened with Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are a-Changin", and tracks throughout include Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence", Nat King Cole's "Unforgettable", and Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah". It cuts, therefore, as one good movie on the whole.

I used to attribute all kinds of suffering, evil, mishap, accident, and sorrow to God. I believed that there is a divine purpose for all these to happen. But after reading (still in the process of) the book "Satan & The Problem Of Evil", I realised that Augustine's blueprint worldview (the view of the world rooted in the assumption that behind every specific event there is a specific divine reason as to why it was ordained or at least allowed to take place) may not be as flawless as it seemed after all.

For how can we attribute that which is evil to a God who is good by nature? If all kinds of evil are part of God's divine plan, how can we be blamed and be justly punished for them? If it's so, God is the author of evil, and therefore we are absolved of responsibility for all our actions, because it is God who ultimately determines what we want and what we do. And so, I began a quest to look further into this matter, as I've always questioned the origins of evil, and why we're morally responsible for it.

Rorschach was a sociopath, a lunatic, branded by people around him who don't see life as he does. But I see Rorschach as more of a Christian than a psycho. Rorschach believed in moral absolutism and moral objectivism. In his world, good and evil are clearly defined, and evil must be violently punished. For this cause, he alienated himself from the rest of the society. From his words, it was also clear that he held the postapostolic father's views concerning evil. He believed in incompatibilistic freedom. God created all of us (even Satan and angels) with a free will; the ability and self-determining freedom to choose. We are the ultimate cause and explanation of our actions. In one scene, Rorschach said that it wasn't God who made the world the way it was (referring to the war-torn world with constant nuclear threats). He said it was us, humans.  

And as I read, I came upon the trinitarian warfare worldview, which combines belief in the Trinity with a recognition of the war-torn nature of this world. It's a view of the world that understands that there are good and bad spirits significantly involved in the affairs of the world. It argues that the scope and intensity of suffering and evil we experience in this world are only adequately accounted for when viewed against the backdrop of a cosmic war between God and Satan. Satan and his angels have their free will and therefore, they have the ability to thwart God's plan. But God will always work with his people to bring good out of evil, often with such effectiveness that it may seem that the evil was planned all along. [Extracts from Satan & The Problem Of Evil]

This is a huge subject to cover in a blog post. My attempts in elaboration are futile to a certain extent I believe, but nevertheless, they are essential. I've only covered a chapter of the book, but I've gained new perspectives and insights concerning the problem of evil. It is time we break free from the cliche of comforting ourselves that it's part of God's divine plan when things screw up or when evil occurs. The fact that this world looks like a warzone is because it is a world at war. Therefore, we as Christians, are all in this war together, to defeat the evil forces of Satan.

Let us stand firm in our beliefs, as we strive to battle against the formidable opponent, Satan and his angels. We may fall, now and then, but as Rorschach's final words go: We should never compromise; even if it's Armageddon.

In the quiet of my 3 walls and a door, I ponder. It was the first night of Fragments, a production of PKVUM. Everything went well, except for a few technical flaws which displayed how human we all are.

The last few days were exhaustive. I skipped the whole day of class today and slept till 3pm. But after so much has been said and done, the only thought I have is: What was I doing?

Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore, tell her to help me." And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:38-42

It's not that I'm questioning anyone involved in Fragments or the production itself. I'm not implying that Fragments isn't necessary and we are all to pray and go for bible study on a Tuesday night instead. Because we are also called to make disciples of all nations, to preach the gospel of good news. I'm questioning myself.

I can't seem to worship when I serve. What's worse, I'm a more severe case of Martha. At least she was busy with serving because Jesus was there. I'm involved in Fragments, but just like any other production and events I've been involved in, I find it hard to get myself spiritually involved. I have time for many things, practice and all, but I don't have time to even say a simple prayer (excluding corporate prayers). Even right now, I'd rather blog than read the Bible, after a long day. It is so that I question myself, what am I doing all these for? Is it a showcase of talents I have? A mere responsibility, because I'm a PKV-ian? A duty because I've been asked to help out?

Well, I don't glorify myself, I don't gloat in the spotlight. When I play the guitar, I just play the guitar. I enjoy it but nothing else. I try as much as possible to worship, to sing with conviction. But with the guitar in my hands, I find it hard. I don't understand how people actually worship with an instrument. Consciously, I cannot. And partly maybe, I have not spent enough time with my God. I have not taken time to sit at His feet, to listen and not talk, to stop being distracted with serving for once.

I do not want to stay Martha. I want to be a combination of Mary and Martha. Maybe it is only good that I lay down my guitar for some time after tomorrow's Fragments. I should not serve, unless I get it right.    

Of Writings, Fat People, And Change

"You couldn't effect change with a song. You could only write about what was inside you. And folk music was, fat people."

Jack Rollins, I'm Not There.

In the 1960's, Bob Dylan sang songs of protests against the Establishment. His songs became anthems of both the civil rights movements and of those opposed to the Vietnam War. Above, was a phrase taken from the biographical film of Bob Dylan's life. Jack Rollins, in the film, was a metaphorical figure of one aspect of Bob Dylan's life. By the end of 1963, Bob Dylan stopped protesting. He felt manipulated and constrained by the folk and protest movements.

Malaysia is in a severe political turmoil. Perak is in a state of impasse. Politically motivated blogs, bloggers are everywhere. I'm guilty as charged; I feel like one too. There were times I felt tempted to join the crowd, to write anti-Establishment posts, to speak my heart out on the political situation in Malaysia.

But how much change could we really effect with what we write?

It is sad to see our country in such a political crisis, as never before. What more, when it's happening in my own state, my hometown. Each of us can blog all we want about corruption, power abuse, and money politics. We can hurl and heap insults on the government, the ruling party and specific worthless leaders. We can write about what is inside us. But that is all we can do. At the end of it, we are all just fat people.

And even fat people varies one from another. Even in Perak, legal experts have different opinions on which party is right, which is wrong; which move is constitutional, which is not. Yes, we are not satisfied and we cry out for justice. But justice doesn't come with writings, blog posts, or articles. We can read, be informed and that's about it. We are an impasse ourselves.

We are desperate for change, for political redemption in Malaysia. But change doesn't come in form of songs. Nor writings.

Just Another Song Stuck In My Head

Blue October
She's My Ride Home

We talked
Together sharpening the knife
Like killing partners for a life
Hey we can hide the bodies on the ride home

Now here we are
We're licking skin to wipe us clean
Strike a match, pour gasoline
Ditch the scene and watch this city burn
Asleep, my life will be a pillow steering wheel turn

I'll be reaching for the stars with you (honey)
Who cares if no one else believes
So I, set fire to everyone around
But I told you
I told you
I told you

So ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
Yeah we won

We drive
To leave the past and clear the mind
To watch the sunset set it's time
I swear you'll find
I'm your ride home

Now close your eyes
Its' getting dark and the highways clear
No sign of life from front to rear
Its just you my dear
On the ride home
We're going home

I'll be reaching for the stars with you (honey)
Who cares if no one else believes
So I, set fire to everyone around
But I told you
I told you
I told you

So ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
Yeah we won

We talked
Together sharpening a knife
Like killing partners for a life
Hey we can hide the bodies on the ride home
Cause we're going home

I'll be reaching for the stars with you (honey)
Who cares if no one else believes
So I, set fire to everyone around
But I told you
I told you
I told you

So ha ha ha ha (we won)
Ha ha ha ha (oh yeah we won)
Ha ha ha ha (we won)
Ha ha ha ha
Yeah we won
Yeah we won